Ardent Dawn
by Ariannel
Summary: Solona Amell's story what happened during the week leading up to the day of her Harrowing. Amell/Cullen/Jowan
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Solona Amell's heart felt like it was trying to escape her ribcage. It was pounding so hard that she just knew the entire 2nd floor could hear it loud an clear. _Strength, Solona. Nervous and scared mages become tranquil ones,_ she thought. She straightened her back, took a deep breath, and rounded the corner into First Enchanter Irving's office.

"Ah, Solona. Thank you for coming." First Enchanter Irving said. He was seated at his desk and Knight Commander Greagoir was seated across from him in a chair. Her heart skipped a beat when her mentor, Lonya, was seated next to the Knight Commander. They all stood.

"Of course, First Enchanter. " She said.

"I'm sure you are curious to know what this is about. Please be seated." Irving said, pointing to a seat to the right of his desk. She gingerly took her seat and folded her hands in her lap.

"Solona," Lonya began, "You have been under my tutelage for five years now. I have seen you progress rapidly during that time and I am please to report to the First Enchanter that you far exceed my highest expectations. None of my other students in the last 15 years I've been mentoring have come close to the exemplary level of talent, knowledge, and control you've shown to exhibit."

Solona flushed. "Thank you, Enchanter Lonya." She replied.

"It is for these reasons that I have spoke with First Enchanter Irving and Knight Commander Greagoir about your next steps. I believe you are ready for the Harrowing."

Pride and excitement filled her chest_. _She could scarcely believe it. All her hard work lead to this. All the time she took to study, to practice, to meditate - forsaking the things other apprentices her age seemed to do in favor of being the _best_ - all of it lead to this moment. Her Harrowing. Now that it was here, upon her, she didn't know how what to say. Her emotions quickly changed to apprehension and fear. The Harrowing wasn't something to take lightly. It was dangerous, and mages died from it if they didn't succeed. _Well, no matter,_ she thought. _I know I am a proficient mage and I_ will _pass this test!_ Her excitement was instantly restored.

"I am honored you think so." She gushed.

"I agree with Lonya," Irving said, "Although you are quite young, you have been able to exhibit the most skill I have seen in a very long time. I believe you are ready for your this test. With your consent, Solona, I would like to schedule your Harrowing one week from today."

"I-I... thank you, First Enchanter. It would be my honor to take the Harrowing." She said, trying to contain the excitement in her words.

"Excellent. You are hereby temporarily freed from your studies and have one week of free time to prepare yourself for the next step in your magehood. You are dismissed." Irving said. She nodded and stood, bowing to all three.

She _had_ to tell Jowan. Solona suppressed the urge to run and decided on a quick walk down to the apprentice level. Oh Maker, Jowan would be upset. Probably even jealous. He was five years her senior and still had not gone through the Harrowing. She _knew_ how much he wanted to take that test. Even so, she couldn't and didn't want to keep this from him.

Even though he would be upset, he would also be proud of her, she knew. And, oh, did she want to see him look at her with pride! His rich blue eyes would dance and he would grace her with a true smile. He would gather her into a rare hug and she would get to feel, just a little bit, his warm body pressed close to hers. A smile came to her lips just thinking about it and the urge to find him nearly overwhelmed her.

Solona blew open the door to the library at the apprentice level and flew down the stairs. Rounding the corner, the next thing she saw was her face smacking directly into smooth polished metal. She blinked and stumbled, holding her hand out to steady herself. She felt a warm hand grasp her wrist and she shook her head to clear her vision.

"Are you alright?"

Solona looked at who she ran into and her cheeks flushed. It just figured that she would run into a Templar. To her relief, it was just Cullen and not one of the more severe Templar's she'd gotten into trouble with before.

"Oh, Maker. I'm very sorry, I should be more careful. My apologies." She said.

"N-no, it's okay. I'm just glad you're alright." He said.

Solona smiled at him. "I'm fine, Cullen, thank you." She looked down at her wrist that was still in his hand. Cullen followed her gaze and quickly let go of her, jerking his hand back. He flushed, gave her a stiff nod.

"Solona!" She looked past Cullen and saw Jowan jogging towards her. She brightened as she always did when in his presence. Cullen stepped out of the way and took post near the stairs. Jowan stopped in front of her, glanced at Cullen, then offered her a grin. She felt her heart clench.

"Jowan, I... have some news." She said. Now that she was face to face with him, she wasn't sure how to say it.

"I know." He said.

_Wait, what? _"You _know_?"

"Yes. You just came from First Enchanter Irving's office, right?"

"What? How did you...?" _Really,_ how _did he know?_

"I have my methods." He said with a wink. "So, am I to offer congratulations or will you be spending your afternoon fighting your breakfast in the privy?"

She grinned. "You are to offer congratulations." She said in her most authoritative voice. "And this is about _me_, Jowan, so I want no whining about when you're going to be called for _your_ Harrowing."

As soon as she said it, she saw him tense. She kicked herself mentally. _Me and my gigantic mouth,_ she thought. However, as soon as it came, the moment passed and he offered her another winning grin.

"Well, congratulations then, and come here, you." He said, enveloping her in a hug. She felt her entire body shiver in reaction to his closeness, his scent, his warmth... She wanted to stay like that forever.

"By the Maker, you're trembling. See, I knew your bravado was all an act. I think you need to sit down." He said, putting an arm around her shoulder and leading her to a table and chairs in the library.

_No, I'm trembling for_ you - _you unobservant idiot!_ She wanted to scream. She knew it was no use, though. A few weeks ago he had enthusiastically told her about someone, some _girl_, he recently met and was smitten with. It rocked her entire existence, but of course he was completely unaware. She had always thought that maybe someday they would be together. Unfortunately, he didn't have those feelings for her. She knew he thought of her only as a sister.

Solona resolved then that she could be okay with admiring him from afar. She didn't want to lose him as a friend, that was for sure. Why Jowan was keeping this girl a secret from Solona was beyond her comprehension, though. She should at least be able to meet girl and give him her approval. Isn't that what friends did?

Jowan took a seat opposite her at the table and leaned forward. "Now, you must tell me everything." He said.

*****

Cullen clenched his teeth and attempted to keep his face neutral. _Solona is going to take the Harrowing_, he thought. He couldn't stop the nausea he felt when he overheard the news. If she didn't pass the Harrowing, she could die. Cullen slowly let out his breath to calm his nerves. _Sweet Andraste, please protect her. She doesn't deserve to die. She's not like some of the other mages._

Cullen rolled his eyes upward and shook his head._ Maker, I am a fool,_ he thought. His fingers twitched, remembering the soft skin of her small wrist in his hand. She was seated not far away, talking animatedly to her friend. He felt his stomach twist and he took in a deep breath. He closed his eyes and remembered how she looked just a moment ago; her long black hair tumbled around her shoulders, her dark brown eyes searching his, her pink lips parted with surprise... every time he saw her, she became more and more beautiful. Maker help him, but he didn't know what to do. He longed to be alone with her; to talk to her, to hear her laugh, to hear her sigh, to see her smile. Oh Maker, her smile.

He glanced again at her talking freely with her friend and he writhed in jealousy. He longed to have the freedom that Jowan had. His whole body twitched at the remembrance of their embrace. Jowan could potentially have what Cullen could not. _He_ was free to talk to her, to see her smiles, to openly revel in her beauty without fear of punishment. _He_ was not bound by the same covenant Cullen was.

Cullen, on the other hand, had no reason to speak to her. He had no reason to show her any preference. He had no reason to be around her. It was for these reasons that he cherished every single moment he did manage to have with her. He purposely volunteered for the stations where he knew she would be. The study rooms, the libraries, the chapel... all places she frequented. Luckily for him, those were also the places the other Templar's dreaded to be posted to. Most of his brothers preferred to be posted outside the apprentice rooms, the classrooms, or in the upper levels where the more experienced mages dwelled. The duty of watching over the mages was not so boring then, he knew.

He also knew what went on in the upper levels. He knew some of his brothers had broken their vows and dallied with mages. On a very base and depraved level of his consciousness, Cullen envied those men. Cullen was a man of honor and believed he would never break his vow, but a small part of him wished he could. On nights where Solona was alone the study room, and he was the only one watching her, he felt this deeply. Those nights were a delicious torture for him. Those nights in the dimly lit corridors, he allowed himself thoughts he never would during the day. These thoughts shamed him, forcing him to spend long periods in the chapel, praying to the Maker the next morning.

Cullen realized he was staring at her when she caught his gaze. He felt his face flush and quickly looked away, neutralizing his expression. How did he allow himself to be so careless around her? If he didn't check himself, eventually others would notice, and that would be very bad news indeed.

*****

**Author's Note: My plans for this fic is to explore what Solona Amell's life might have been like in the days preceding her Harrowing. I wanted to delve a little into her relationships with Jowan & Cullen, as well as their relationships with her. This fic is also meant as an exercise to warm me up to the idea of writing a fic based on events of the game and her eventual relationship with Alistair. In any case, I hope you enjoyed it! -- Ariannel**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It didn't take long for word to get around that Solona was ready for her Harrowing. She had already been congratulated five times before sitting down for breakfast the next morning. _Yes congratulations, Solona. You have a week before you either live or die._ She was beginning to feel like she was plagued. She was being offered congratulations, yes, but she was also being avoided by nearly everyone she knew. She didn't have any really close friends, other than Jowan, but all of her female acquaintances shied away from her with excuses to study or see someone else. She was also feeling helpless. The ritual was something that was kept secret from apprentices so she didn't know how to prepare or study for it. She knew that mages who were weak or feared the Harrowing too much became Tranquil. Enchanter Lonya always told her that she must be firm of will and strong of mind to conquer the Harrowing and avoid becoming Tranquil, but beyond that advice, she knew nothing. Her initial exhilaration and pride was quickly giving way to anxiousness and dread.

_There is nothing you can do about this. It's best to simply put it out of your mind,_ she thought to herself, _be firm of will and strong of mind, remember? Eat your breakfast. _The bread was just out of the oven, and warm, which allowed the butter to melt quickly. Taking a bite, she closed her eyes and sighed in contentment. It wasn't often she allowed herself time to eat in the morning. She wondered if the older mages ate this luxuriously every morning. Maybe she would start this routine when she passed her test.

"You look like you're in the throes of pleasure." A languid voice said.

Solona's eyes snapped open and she found herself staring into dark green eyes and jerked back, almost choking.

The most ardent flirt of the entire apprenticeship, Alden Fen, was sitting across from her_._ She felt her heart skip a beat. He laughed, a melodious laugh, and removed himself from her personal space. He took a spot across the table from her and offered a lopsided grin. That grin alone made her heart skip two beats.

He was an exceptional beauty, even among his elven kin. His silky reddish-brown hair was rich and thick, cut just below his chin. He had a habit of closing his eyes and running his hands through it that was just.... mesmerizing. And his eyes... his eyes were the most amazing emerald green she had ever seen. He was three years her senior but she had always admired him from afar. She felt nothing for him like she did Jowan, but still... he was truly amazing.

_What is he doing in the dining_ _area? At this time of day, most apprentices are with their mentors._ _Of course,_ _Alden isn't like most apprentices now is he? Oh Maker, why was he looking at her like that? _Solona found herself blushing, tore herself from his gaze, and distracted herself with a drink of watered-down wine.

"Ah, yes, the bread is well done this morning." She said, trying to regain some sense of coherency. C_omposure, Solona. Don't let him see you flustered._

"So, Solona Amell, I hear I am to offer congratulations. Or, should I say my condolences instead?" He said.

"Should I be surprised you know my name?" She asked, feigning confidence. Alden chuckled.

"Of course not, I know the names of all my fellow apprentices. Especially the beautiful ones."

"I imagine you do..." She said under her breath and picked apart her bread.

"I have to admit, you're more than a just little intimidating, Solona." He said.

"Intimidating?" She couldn't be more flabbergasted. He leaned back and looked at her with hooded eyes and a crooked grin.

"Oh yes," He said, "Your magical talent is unsurpassed by anyone in the apprenticship. You're very intelligent, spending all your free time in the library studying and assisting other apprentices. Those two things alone are quite intimidating by themselves, however, you have also become a beautiful young woman. A man can't help but be intimidated. You keep to yourself, though, with the exception of that ridiculous man, Jowan. You know, you really ought to have better taste."

"What? Jowan and I are just...." She started, then took a moment to calm herself. There were at least five things he said that she wanted to address but the idea that her affections towards Jowan was common knowledge left her alarmed. His lazy grin widened and lifted to his eyes; his amusement was apparent on his face. Oh yes, he was doing his best to get under her skin.

"We're good friends." She said, keeping her voice calm and neutral. Solona pushed her chair back and jumped to her feet. "I think I should be leaving."

Alden stood up with her. "Oh don't be like that, Solona." He said.

Solona was halfway to the exit when she felt him grab her wrist and pull her to him. Solona attempted to wrest her hand away from him but froze when he leaned forward and whispered low in her ear. "Do be honest.... You would give yourself to him completely if he asked you. The desire you have for that man must leave you frustrated to no end."

She felt the back of her neck prickle and a tinge of longing shuddered through her body. His closeness made it hard for her to concentrate. He smelled completely different than Jowan. More akin to musk and spice.

"I could help you with those frustrations, Solona." He said, his voice deep and thick. "A beautiful girl like you should _never_ be left wanting."

Solona closed her eyes and breathed in. A very primal part of herself desperately wanted him to do exactly as he suggested. However, the part of herself that always strived for control won out. She yanked her hand back and took two steps backward, clearing her throat.

"Honestly, I no way intend this to be rude, Alden, but why this sudden interest in me? I don't think you've ever said two words to me before." She said.

"Not true, my lady." He said, the crooked smile back on his face. She was astonished how easily he went back to normal after having just propositioned her. "Two months ago I followed you into the library with the express purpose of asking you to tutor me. You were sitting there at a desk, engrossed at whatever book you were reading and looking every bit like an elegant lady."

Solona scoffed, crossing her arms. Alden continued. "I noticed one of the books piled around you on the desk and asked for it. You handed it over without even looking at me. Without so much as a word."

"I'm sure I meant no off-" He cut her off with a wave of his hand.

"Wounded, I was, because my bid for your attention was rather desperate. I'm rarely in the library, you must understand, not unless I must be. I was also rather humiliated because your disinterest was very.... public. I'm.... not used to being ignored, you see."

"I don't -" She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter, I have your attention now and I intend to keep it."

He smiled and walked towards her. Solona reflectively stepped backwards from him until she backed into a wall. He braced an arm against the wall and caressed her cheek with his hand. Solona could feel her heartbeat speed up and avoided looking into those hypnotic eyes. He caught her chin and directed her gaze towards him.

Before she could blink, his lips were pressed down onto hers. His lips were soft and warm, insistant, but not forceful. The same sudder of longing coursed through her body again and she tentatively put a hand on his chest. That seemed to serve as encouragement because he suddenly placed a hand on her waist and drew her closer, deepening the kiss.

A strangled sound interrupted them and Alden pulled away quickly. Solona looked over his shoulder and saw the templar, Cullen, standing at the entrance looking alarmed and furious.

Solona flushed and extracted herself from Alden's arms, stepping aside.

"G-good day, gentlemen." She said with a bow and quickly fled the dining room. She flew down the stairs to the lower level and went to the first place she could think of. The chapel.

*******

Cullen stared at the mage who had his hands on Solona with pure hatred. The mage stared back at him with equal emotion.

"Curse you, Templar. Must we mages never have privacy?" He spat. "There is no rule that says we can't be with one another. _We_ did not swear a ridiculous vow that goes against all reason and sanity to be chaste."

Cullen said nothing wishing he could unsee what he just saw. Alden Fen, the mage who cared more about bedding his fellow apprentices than his own magical studies was targeting Solona as his next conquest. _Of course he would,_ he thought. Solona was the one woman who had managed to unconciously evade his attentions for years by enveloping herself in her studies instead of socializing with the other apprentices. Now that she was soon to leave the apprenticeship, Alden had to move quickly if he wanted her.

"Could it be?" Alden said with narrowed eyes. "Yes. You're that templar, Cullen. Rumor has it that you're in love with our beautiful Solona."

Cullen supressed a groan. So he _was_ talked about after all. Did Solona know? His face must have betrayed his emotions because Alden cackled.

"Oh yes, this is too delicious to pass up. You are one of those honorable knights, who refuses to ignore his vows." He said, stalking towards him. "And yet, ser knight, you are still a man. A man who can appreciate the beauty of another woman.... a man with Maker-given desires...."

Alden was close and his unnatural eyes raked over him. "How unsated you must feel watching her from afar, her womanly curves revealed by her robes that cling in all the right places. Her lush dark hair moving like silk down her back and, yes, how you long to run your hands through them. Her lips, the most inviting shade of pink, soft and sensual; longing to be kissed. And oh, let me tell you, templar, those lips were _so_ sweet, moaning into mine."

Cullen bit the inside of his cheek, vehemently squashing the intense desire to run his sword through the mage. He dug deep within himself for control. When he found it, he exhaled and cooled his gaze. Ignoring him, he turned around and continued is patrol, Alden laughing behind him.

******

_You would give yourself to him completely if he asked you._

Alden's words echoed in her mind, repeating itself over and over again. Solona sat in the pew at the far back of the chapel and shuddered, her hands over her face. Maker, how did he know? Alden Fen, of all the men in the tower, _he_ was the one she thought most unlikely to even notice her existance. And yet, there she was, reeling from just being kissed by him. Not just a sweet peck, but a _real_ kiss. Her body tingled in rememberance of how it felt being pressed close to him. She groaned.

As crazy as it may seem to someone else, she would have given anything for it to have been Jowan kissing her instead of Alden. Alden was gorgeous and sensual, but that's all he was to her. Jowan was so much more. He was not as insanely good looking as Alden, but his rich black hair and sparkling blue eyes had more than just herself swooning for him. He was kind, sweet, a little awkward sometimes, a little sarcastic, but mostly a great friend. He listened whenever she needed to talk and he always encouraged her to do her best. It didn't seem he was concious of his looks which made his appeal all the more endearing.

Solona sighed. She really needed to get over Jowan. It was clear there would be nothing between him. When she graduated from her apprenticeship, she would be even more separated from him. She would probably be assigned one of the younger apprentices to mentor and she would be busy teaching as well as conducting research and participating in _real_ Circle administrations. He life would be busy going forward. She needed to get used to the idea.

Solona groaned again when suddenly the image of Cullen's shocked face came into her mind. She was thoroughly embarrased that he caught them together, but also relieved. It would have been much worse if one of the Senior Enchanters found them, or one of the more strict and unforgiving templars. This was the second time in two days that he was witness to indiscretion on her part. _He must think me a complete twit,_ she thought. At least she was fairly confident that her exchange with Alden would be kept secret. Cullen didn't seem to be the gossiping type.

"Well, if it isn't my best friend, Solona. In the _chapel_, no less. What are you doing here?"

Solona almost jumped right out of her skin. Jowan laughed and sat down next to her.

"I've been known to come here on occasion, Jowan. I prefer to practice my meditations here, if you have forgotten. The better question is what are _you_ doing here? I thought you had a deep and abiding hatred for this place." She said.

"Hmm... hatred is too strong a word, I think. I prefer to call it loathing."

"Again I ask, why are you here? If you loath it so much, that is. And, why are you so flushed? Where did you come from, anyway?"

"Ah..." He hesitated. Solona frowned and looked at him closely. His eyes were bright and his breathing was quick but slowing as if he had raced the halls. His normally pale face was full of color and his lips were.... Oh Maker. Solona shot up from the pew and stared at him. He offered a sheepish grin and said, "Well, you see - "

"Jowan, please tell me you were not using the chapel as a safe place to..... canoodle!" She hissed.

Jowan spread his hands in apology. Solona looked around for any sign of the girl but all she found was one elderly priestess bowed in prayer at the far end. Solona looked back at Jowan and bit her lower lip. Of all the things she didn't want to see right now, this was one of them. An ache ripped through her stomach and longing settled into her chest. What she wouldn't give to have been the one to make him look like that. Despite her admonishments, he was glowing and contented. He had never looked so beautiful. Solona swallowed a thick knot in her throat and looked at the floor.

"Isn't your mentor wondering where you are right now?" She said, attempting to change the topic.

He shrugged. "Not this morning. I'm to meet Enchanter Reynald later this afternoon at the atrium. Just what I'd always hoped for, an afternoon learning the names and history of all the plants in Fereldan." He said dryly.

Solona brightened. "The atrium? You're getting to go to the atrium today? Oh, do you think I could come along? I need to practice making potions, anyway, if I'm going to be a healer."

"Are you kidding? It wouldn't be nearly as boring with you there. Enchanter Reynald would fall all over himself to be in your presence, anyway. He's always telling me that he regretted he lost the bid for your mentorship to Enchanter Lonya, you know." He said with a chuckle. "Come on, I've not eaten yet this morning and I'm starved, let's see if there is anything left in the kitchens."

So she was going to spend the rest of the day with Jowan in one of her most favorite spots of the tower. _Maybe this day wasn't turning out to be so bad after all, _she thought.

********


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Did you hear? Vera Westland and Alden Fen are... _you know_."

"No! I didn't hear that. Alden and _Vera Westland_?"

"That's what I hear. Senior Enchanter Leorah caught them in a scandalous position after hours in the lab."

"In the _lab room_? How utterly unromantic. How can he stand her, anyway? Her nose is like a pig!"

Peals of laughter spoiled Solona's concentration. She looked up from the book she borrowed from Enchanter Reynald the day before and glared at the gossiping girls in the library corner. If her annoyance was obvious, they didn't register it.

"I know ...and her skin! Could it be any more splotchy? I don't know how he can stand it. Someone needs to rescue him from his desperation."

"_Ooh_ can I volunteer?"

"Sure, right after _me_."

Solona sighed audibly as the girls burst into another round of giggles. She knew better than to try to study during this time of day, but she seemed to be a glutton for punishment lately. It was after-dinner leisure time which meant the halls, living quarters, and library was filled with apprentices socializing. The younger apprentices could be heard laughing and playing in the halls while the older apprentices were engaged in group conversations. Templars were posted everywhere during this time but it was the older mages that made sure decorum was maintained. Usually, Solona and Jowan would sit and talk during this period, but Jowan was nowhere to be found. Solona growled, conjuring up a fair idea of what _he_ was doing.

More annoying than the interruption of her studies was the knowledge that Alden Fen apparently had no problem moving right along to another girl. She blushed, remembering the feel of his lips on her own. It was nice to feel admired, even from the circle philanderer. He had seemed so completely enraptured with her the previous morning in the dining room that she had felt rather special. _Of course_, she thought, _that's probably why he's been with so many other apprentices. He's a master at charm and manipulation._

Solona slammed the tome shut and stood up, eliciting a sudden silence from the girls in the corner. She gathered the book in her arms and decided to go to one of the study rooms. There, she could have a desk to herself and usually nobody would bother here there.

When she arrived, she chose a desk that faced the entrance and dropped the large tome with a thud. The room was dark but gently lit with candles which made it feel a little cozy. She sat down and put her elbows on the desk and rubbed her temples.

"Are you alright?"

She looked up quickly. She hadn't seen Cullen standing there, guarding the inside. Embarrassment washed over her as she remembered that he was witness to her little tryst the day before. He looked at her only with concern, though, and she was relieved to see no accusation in his eyes. For that, she granted him a smile.

"Oh yes, quit alright, ser. I'm, ah, just a little tired and taking a quick break. You know, before I study again." She said, tapping the book with her finger. Cullen nodded and focused his gaze forward. Solona raised her eyebrows and looked around, seeing nobody else but her in the study.

"Well, Cullen, it's going to be a boring night since it seems I'm the only one in here." She said. Cullen managed a quick nod. If it were any other templar, she would have felt agitation at his presence. But with Cullen, for some reason, she just felt comforted. Like he was actually protecting her instead of watching her with wary and scorn.

With Cullen unfocused and staring out into the distance, she took that moment to really look at him. His face was handsome but not so handsome that she felt uncomfortable in his presence. His hair was a light golden brown and she noticed that if he would grow it out, it would likely be a mass of curls. His brown eyes were warm and agreeable. She had a hard time imagining him like she did the other templars, chasing and striking down a maleficar in cold blood. She knew he must have done so, but she just couldn't imagine it.

She averted her gaze quickly, not wanting him to see her stare. _Well, I suppose I'd better get to it,_ she thought, flipping open the large book - _Medicinal Plants of Ferelden: A Practical Guide._

* * *

Cullen watched Solona pull back her long dark brown hair and tie it with a ribbon, exposing her long neck, then flipping the page to the book she was reading . He flushed. Here he was again, guarding the most obscure room in the tower, knowing she would finally retire there. He knew she would come. She was almost always there during the weeknights lately. He admired her for that. It made her beauty all the more special. Beauty, intelligence, inner strength... all qualities he admired in her. _She couldn't possibly become an abomination._ He thought. _Not her_.

He wished he could tell her how much he admired her. Oh, how he wished it. He longed to have extensive conversations with her. To get to know her better. Instead, he had to content himself with small talk and observations. The words of Alden Fen still echoed in his mind. _...you are still a man. A man who can appreciate the beauty of another woman.... a man with Maker-given desires...._

Although the elf was a rake, what he said struck Cullen more than any chant ever had. It had taken that foul mage saying it out loud for him to come to terms with what he knew internally for months.

He _desired_ Solona. In every way possible.

The idea of what that actually meant sent him reeling. He desired her in ways that was completely forbidden and against everything that he stood for. Deep down, he knew that what he caught Alden doing to Solona was something he had fantasized about more than once. He had fantasized about that and a lot more, Maker forgive him. He felt heat spread over his body and bit his cheek, stifling a groan.

Why did he tempt himself so? Here he was.... alone. With _her_. In a room that he knew nobody would be in for hours. He knew some of the other Templars wouldn't think twice about using this situation to their advantage. They rationalized that female mages were not like other woman. They were barely citizens of Fereldan as it was. Most of them were barren anyway, the magic in them snuffing out all but the strongest seeds. The vow couldn't possibly cover _them. _According to them, he could talk to her, show interest in her, get to know her _personally_.... without fear of wrath from the Maker....

He knew it wasn't right. They knew it wasn't right, either. It was just an excuse to give in to their desires and not feel guilty about it. Cullen refused to be so dishonorable.

"Cullen?" Cullen's eyes instantly focused in on Solona. She continued, "I know I shouldn't be bothering you, but since it's rather dull around here I was hoping you wouldn't mind answering a question or two?"

"Ah, i-it's no bother at all." He said. She was talking to him! His heart beat wildly and he could feel the heat in his cheeks.

"I imagine you've had more time out of doors than I have, so I was wondering if you knew anything about forests?"

He blinked. "Forests?"

"Yes. Like the Brecilian Forest. Have you ever been?"

"N-No." He said. She frowned, disappointed. He quickly recovered. "Though, Ferelden is dotted with smaller forests amidst the farmlands. I've been through quite a few of those."

"Really? Are they as magnificent as I've read?"

"Well, I-I'm not sure. What have you read?"

She sighed and closed her eyes. "Foliage all colors of green, trees that make music in the wind, flowers with an intoxicating scent,...."

"Oh, uh.. well, it is green in the forests, that's true, though only in spring and summer. In autumn they change to all kinds of colors. There are some flowers in forest, but not many that I've seen. I-I've never heard music from trees, though, I suppose the sound of the leaves in the wind does sound nice. Birds, though, they are plentiful in the forest and their song is... w-well, like music."

"It sounds divine." She said. "I hope someday to see one." There was so much longing in her voice that it was heartbreaking.

"You know, it's not always pleasant in the forest."

"Really? Is it dangerous?" She leaned forward, crossing her arms on the desk. To have her full attention was exhilarating.

"Well, there are insects, you see," he continued, "Nasty buggers that crawl and fly all over. You have to be careful where you place a hand or step because one wrong move will have you covered in them. It's not all bad, but you have to be careful."

She laughed. "It sounds like you have a story or two about those insects."

"I do." He said, "I remember a particularly nasty occasion when a fellow templar placed his tent in the worst spot imaginable. Only moments after we retired for the eve did we hear a scream so loud that it stilled the forest! The man went running out of his tent covered with little yellow ants. It was truly terrifying."

Cullen was a little alarmed at her reaction. Her hand was over her mouth and her large dark eyes like saucers, staring at him in revulsion and fear. He began to regret telling her the story when she suddenly burst into laughter.

"Lucky it was him and not you, then, am I right?" She said.

Cullen couldn't help but smile back at her. He was about to respond when the person he least wanted to see strode into the room.

*********

"With such melodious laughter, I was sure that it had to be you, Solona. And I was right."

Solona stood up quickly, her chair scraping across the stone floor. In three steps Alden was at her side, raising her hand to his mouth and kissing it. She blushed and looked at Cullen, seeing his face tense and then look straight ahead at the wall, his face carefully blank. Alden followed her gaze.

"Tell me, dear, do you employ this knight as a full-time guard?" He said, her hands still in his.

Solona removed her hand from his grasp and crossed her arms. "No, I clearly do not. However, I see no reason why you should care, Alden. Aren't you leaving Vera Westland alone and wanting tonight?" She flinched internally, realizing that she sounded bitter and jealous. As observant and astute as Alden Fen was, he picked right up on it, too.

"Why, Solona, I do wonder if you are just a little jealous. Be still my beating heart! You have nothing to fear, beautiful, because it was all a misunderstanding, you see."

"A misunderstanding how, exactly? If I remember the rumor correctly, you were found in a most compromising position in the lab room with her." Solona looked at Alden and once again, her heart flipped. The man was truly vexing, but oh-so-beautiful to look at. It shouldn't have been possible, but his features by candlelight were even more alluring than during the day. Her breath caught when he granted her a mischievous grin.

"Tsk tsk, Solona, didn't anyone ever tell you never to listen to idle gossip? Truth be told, we _were_ in a rather awkward position, but that was only after the woman rounded a corner and barreled straight into me. She sent me sprawling on the floor in the most inelegant way . Did you know that lady is not as light as she looks? That was one instance when a woman's body pressed up against mine sent me all kinds of pain instead of pleasure. The episode did not endear me to the woman, I assure you."

Solona couldn't help but laugh.

"Does the lady laugh in relief or ridicule, I wonder?" He said.

"You will never know." She said.

"Ah, so you choose to be coy." He said, then he took her hand again, pulling her towards him. He bent down and whispered into her ear so that Cullen couldn't hear.

"I desire to show you something, Solona. Could we escape for a moment?" He breathed.

Solona considered him. His devilish facade had vanished and he looked heartfelt and apprehensive. Curiosity won her over and she managed a nod. His smile was genuine and lit up his eyes. He clasped both her hands and walked backward, pulling her out of the room.

On her way out, she glanced at Cullen. The anguished look on his face was burned into her memory from that point forward.

****

A/N: End chapter three. I had some fun writing this chapter. I wanted to illustrate what I imagine the circle tower society was like in an everyday environment. I've run with the idea that the tower is probably a lot bigger and a bit more populated than the game depicted, so I assume there would be lots of children and adolescents running around the apprentice levels. I imagine that the circle tower is no different than any other boarding school and, despite the constant learning environment, there would be periods of time allowed for relaxation/contemplation where an undercurrent of teenage society can form, ripe with gossip and raging hormones. After her Harrowing, Solona's life changes drastically (as we all know) and I wanted to illustrate just how different her life will become compared to the one she used to know in the circle tower.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it and I'll get started writing Chapter 4. Thanks for all the great reviews, I really appreciate them and each one I receive ends up adding more fuel to my desire for finishing this fic. Many thanks! ~ Ariannel


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_What should I do? What should I do?_

Cullen kept repeating those words over an over in his mind as Solona and Alden's footsteps echoed down the hallway. He was torn between running away and running after them. He had no good reason to follow them. Mages were allowed to walk the halls freely. They were also allowed to spend their free time with whomever they wish. He knew any place they were forbidden to go would be guarded by templars. There was no need for him to monitor their actions. Also, he had signed up to guard this room specifically. He shouldn't, no _couldn't,_ leave his post until he was relieved.

He sighed in defeat. Discipline, again, won over desire and he resolved to stand his ground.

Still, he couldn't escape the nausea that was gathering in his stomach. Thoughts of Solona and Alden alone together doing what he only wished he could do left him sick with envy and self hate.

*******

Solona allowed herself to be pulled away, her hand entwined in Alden's. Her face filled with heat as he lead her through a populated hallway, where many of their peers noticed their passing. At the back of her mind, she knew she was going to be fodder for the rumor mill come tomorrow morning, however, all she could really think of is what Alden wanted to show her. Despite her apprehensions about him, he was courteous and exciting and best of all, he was _interested_ in her.

"Where are we going, Alden?" She whispered. He chuckled.

"It's a surprise, Solona. Contain yourself for a moment and it will be revealed shortly. Come, down this way." He continued to pull her down the circular hallway, away from the well-lit areas. Suddenly, Alden stopped, facing a wall. Upon closer inspection, she realized it was actually a doorway.

"I don't remember this door." She said.

"You wouldn't," he said, "unless you've been here before. There is a spell on this door that will make it blend into the walls unless you really look at it."

Alden opened the door and they entered the darkened room. Solona was hit with the overwhelming scent of herbs. There was a single sconce lit at the back of the room that allowed her to see rows upon rows of strings stretching from wall to wall. On the strings were herbs that were gathered and tied, hanging upside down to dry out. On the tables and shelves were labeled jars of chopped, dried herbs. Solona was astonished at the variety of herbs that had been collected. Her eyes caught a glimpse of shapes moving in the corner. It was a couple engaged in a passionate embrace. Alden held up a hand at the couple in apology and then lead her to the back at the opposite corner of the couple. Solona wondered in disappointment if kissing her in a dark corner was what he wanted to show her, however, he simply stood in front of a brick-faced wall. He held his free hand in front of the wall and she could feel him gather magic. The wall shimmered and disappeared, revealing an abandoned staircase going downwards to another door.

"What...?" Solona gasped in astonishment. He pulled her forward and when they stepped down, she saw the brick wall phase back in place

"It was an illusion. A secret door the senior mages think only they know about. I discovered it years ago when spying on them after bedtime one night. There are many secret passages like this in the tower, Solona, you'd be surprised." He said. The stairwell was pitch black. For a moment, the silence was deafening, then she heard Alden chuckle.

"The desire to take advantage of this situation is nearly overwhelming. Thankfully, I'm a gentleman." He said.

Solona quickly summoned a wisp to illuminate their path and saw Alden's leering grin. Gentleman, indeed. He looked up at her wisp and raised his eyebrows in appreciation. "You really _are_ quite talented. It takes me several moments of concentration to summon a wisp."

"Ah, well, I practiced a lot. Mostly because it's so pretty." She said, lifting her hand up towards it. The wisp brightened and floated around her hand, as if she were caressing it.

"Not nearly as pretty as you." He said. Normally Solona would have scoffed at such a line, however, it somehow didn't sound cheap coming from him.

"Now, close your eyes. I will be back in a moment." He said. Solona raised her eyebrows, questioning.

"Close your eyes," he said, "just for a moment."

She closed her eyes. Idly, she wondered at where her wits had gone. How had she allowed herself to be corralled by Alden Fen to the most secret and obscure part of the circle tower at night? She had only just spoken to the man the previous morning. Why did she feel so relaxed with him? And what would Jowan think? Her heart clutched a little at the thought of him. _No,_ she told herself, _I will not allow myself to think of Jowan. He is most likely in some shady corner of the tower himself with his.... woman. What I do with my free time is no longer any of his business. _

She felt Alden climb back up the stairs and take her hands. He lead her carefully down.

"Keep your eyes closed." He said, leading her forward a few steps until he stopped. "Okay, now open them."

Solona gasped, not prepared for what she saw. Little balls of glowing yellow and blue lights shimmered and danced all around her. She could hear soft tinkling sounds that were constant but muted, like the sound of dozens of wine glasses clinking together or far away chimes.

"We're in the atrium!" She exclaimed, noticing a soft green glow on the foliage. She never realized there was another entrance to the circular greenroom. It smelled fresh and healthy, and she could see little drops of water on the leaves and petals everywhere. The atrium was still technically indoors, but most of the walls and vaulted ceiling were glass which allowed the sunlight to reach the plants during the day. Being in at night was absolutely breathtaking. She laughed, twirling around and reaching her hands out to touch the balls of light. They separated when she got near and remained always just out of reach.

She turned to look at Alden and her breath caught. He was looking at her with unabashed intensity. His usually jovial face was sober; his eyes dark and aching. She had never seen such longing on his face before.

"This is truly beautiful, Alden. Did you do this?" She asked, feeling suddenly bashful.

His mouth opened and closed, then opened again. "Yes. It took me almost two hours to set this up. I had to make sure none of the older mages were coming back in here." His voice was low and soft.

"I've never seen this kind of magic before. How did you do it?" She asked.

"Actually, it's very simple magic. These pebbles of light are wisps that I separated. They lose their effects of spell enhancement, but still retain their light. I cast a simple spell shield on these plants which has the glowing side effect that you see here. And the water... well, since the plants were protected, I was able to frost them. After a moment, the frost melted into water."

"How truly elegant." She mused, watching her own wisp dance and play with the smaller ones. "You're very talented yourself."

"Unfortunately, no." He said, finally taking a couple steps towards her. "Creative, perhaps, but anyone could do this, really. These are all junior level spells."

"So, do you bring all the girls down here?" She asked with a sly glance.

"Never. Just you." He said. His response was simple and honest and belied no pretense.

He closed the distance between them quickly. Placing one hand on her shoulder, he reached around with the other and pulled at the ribbon that tied her hair back. When it came loose, he ran his fingers through it. The feel of his fingers lightly touching the back of her neck sent shivers down her spine.

"So... the lady likes it, then?" He asked, his eyes hooded and a small smile on his lips.

"Yes." She whispered.

"Good." He replied. He tipped her face up towards his and kissed her. It was light and sweet, like the last time. He then pulled back hesitantly, his green eyes looking into hers. She could tell he was searching for her approval.

"Alden -" She began.

"I know you're in love with that Jowan. I'm not trying to take that away from you. Think of this as... practice. No strings attached." He said.

"No strings attached...." She repeated, licking her lips. Then she nodded.

With that unspoken permission, he pulled her to him and deepened the kiss. Solona felt dizzy and warm. She was inexperienced, she knew, but he guided her and she learned quickly. _Unrequited love be damned,_ she thought, _I want to enjoy this..._ She curled her arms around his neck and grasped his silky hair. He responded to her by trailing his hand down her back and settle on her hips. When their tongues met, her breath hitched and she pulled back in surprise, her breathing labored. Alden moved to kiss behind her ear and down her throat which elicited a sound from her she never imagined she'd make. He chuckled and claimed her lips again. This time, their tongues danced.

Every so often they would gasp for air, only to begin again. She poured out all her frustrations, all her bottled up desires into the kiss. She was quickly becoming bolder and experimental, placing kisses on _his_ jaw and neck, just as he had with her. She was rewarded with a deep sighs and, when she pressed up against him, eventually a groan that lit a fire within her she only felt a handful of times. At that moment, he abruptly pulled away.

"We should stop." He said, his breath ragged. He leaned himself against a nearby table for support and ran his fingers through his hair, shuddering. She marveled at how vulnerable he was at that moment. She also marveled that it was she who made him that way. He was staring at her with the same intensity as before, eyes dark and wanting, which made her quiver and look away.

"Ah... sorry." She said, feeling awkward and unsure of what to do or say.

His usual cocksure grin and hooded eyes settled back on his face. "No apologies needed, my lady. Who knew you'd be such a temptress? It's not often a woman displaces me with just a kiss." She could tell there was more behind that statement, but she wasn't sure what it was.

"Temptress, am I? Who was it that brought me down here to begin with, I wonder?" She asked. She was rewarded with a smile.

"Yes, of course. The blame falls squarely with me and I'll not regret it one bit. Jowan will be a lucky man if he can be bothered to notice you."

Solona cast her eyes to the stone floor. "That's not likely. Jowan is in love with another woman."

"Indeed? The cad. Who could possibly be more beautiful than you?"

She shot him a withering look. "Really, Alden, you lay the compliments on quite thick. There are plenty of women in the tower more attractive than I."

"Lies!" He said, with a wave of his hand. Solona rolled her eyes.

"I don't know who she is. In any case, I don't think it's entirely about looks with him, anyway. Maybe she doesn't intimidate him. I've been told that I'm rather intimidating."

Alden placed his hands on her shoulders and looked at her squarely in the eyes. "Fool is the man who sees beauty _and _intelligence as a deterrent. That is a bit of wisdom I've come to know quite recently. There are women who have brains, and there are women who have beauty, but rare is the woman who has both. You, my dear, are a rarity. I say this with utmost honesty and sincerity."

Solona gaped at him, not knowing what to say. She was overwhelmed to have so many compliments thrown her way and said with such candor. Alden seemed to sense her bewilderment and chuckled.

"Well, I seemed to have killed the mood. Come, we should leave before our absence is noticed."

Alden dispelled the magic in the atrium which caused the room to darken considerably. Although disappointed, Solona took that moment to look up at the stars through the windows. It was a rare treat for her to see the sky at night and she was entranced.

"The stars are so beautiful." She said, softly.

"Indeed they are." He said softly next to her ear, and led her back upstairs.

************

**A/N: Sorry, there is so little Cullen this chapter. I promise Cullen will feature prominently in the next one. Hope this was enjoyable. I have a feeling it was for Solona, at least. *grin* Thanks for reading! ~ Ariannel**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Cullen was dreaming. It was a recurring dream.

_He saw her standing just underneath a stained-glass window in the chapel. The evening sun filtered through the window, casting streams of colored lights to the stone floor, interrupted only by her shadow. They were alone. She wore a simple white dress that clung to her body and flared to the floor. As he approached her, he saw her face laced with worry._

_"Solona?" He asked, reaching a hand out to her._

_She ran into his arms. He was wearing only a tunic and leggings so he could feel the curve of her body next to his. She was the perfect height; her head tucked neatly underneath his and her arms went around his torso. He shivered from the embrace._

_At this point, his dreams varied. Sometimes she would ask to run away together. Other times she confessed her love. This time there was no conversation. They kissed._

_Her mouth was warm and supple. Her body was was soft and malleable. Her long dark hair cascaded down her back and grazed his arms as he held her. He allowed his hands to roam everywhere, sliding up and down her form fitting dress, exploring. She lifted his tunic and placed her hands on his bare chest. He trembled as her hands roamed and caressed his skin._

_He was cycling through emotions; joy, awe, panic, desire. The dread of being seen, being caught, only heightened his need to be close to her, to taste her and feel her. Their kissing was becoming urgent, her hips, grinding against his. The need for more, for release consumed him._

The sound of the morning bell awoke Cullen from the Fade. He groaned in dismay. The reality of his life came crashing down upon him as it did every time he awoke from dreams of her. He was a fool, he told himself, bent on habitual self-flagellation.

He lay in his bed, under the covers waiting for his labored breathing to still and the swelling in his breeches to subside. He pressed his hands to his eyes, rubbing the sleep out and willing the image of Solona out of his mind. Unfortunately, the image of dream-Solona was suddenly replaced with the image of her from the night before. Her eyes bright and laughing at his tale of ants in the forest. He was awed how so little a thing had amused her.

His thoughts then turned, unbidden, to Solona and Alden. Alden, bent over and whispering in her ear, and Solona, all soft eyes and demure smiles. He had agonized all night wondering where they were and what they were doing. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. All he knew was that his previous distaste for Alden Fen was quickly turning into acrimony.

His head ached. He needed lyrium.

"Are you on morning watch, Cullen?"

His bunkmate, Quincy, peered over the wooden railings of the top bunk where he lay. Quincy was a tall man, with large lips, a crooked nose, and grey eyes. His frame was impressive, even for templars. He was the only real friend Cullen had been able to make after he had come to the tower.

"No." Cullen croaked, raising himself and climbing down the thick rungs to the stone floor. Quincy and Cullen worked together swiftly as was routine to fold their bedsheets in a neat display on their bed. Cullen shared the large bedroom quarters with Quincy and six other templars. Murmurs, shuffles, and groans echoed throughout the large room as everyone donned their robes and helped each other with their armor.

Cullen followed Quincy and the other templars out of the bedroom and into the hallway where the first ritual of their day awaited. As usual, plain wooden goblets had been set atop rows of tables, filled to the brim with lyrium. Cullen grabbed the nearest goblet and downed his addiction with loathing, immediately feeling his headache fade and his mind clear.

It was amazing to Cullen how quickly the effects of lyrium took hold. The morning mutterings and whispers gave way to intelligible conversation and playful banter almost instantaneously. The halls bustled with the sound of dozens of templars ready for a new day. Cullen wondered if he was the only one who wished he could crawl back into bed.

A quick burst of a trumpet sounded which signaled the presence of the cleric. The templars stood at attention on both sides of the corridor as the morning chants resounded in the circle halls. After the small procession had passed Cullen's group, he saw the waggling eyebrows of leering grins of templars opposite the hallway. The cleric was an older woman with graying hair and a stern features, however, the two initiates trailing behind her with bowls of burning incense were young comely women with smooth skin and round hips. Cullen didn't know whether to feel sorry for the initiates on display, or disgust at his brethren for their open displays of lechery.

He then chided himself. He wasn't one to judge anyone for their salacious thoughts considering his own shameful dreams.

After the morning chants were over, the templars dispersed. Cullen nodded goodbye to Quincy who apparently was on first watch. He was making his way down to the kitches for breakfast when a hand clapped him on the shoulder. He turned. It was Knight Commander Greagoir.

"Ser!"

"Be at ease, Cullen. Join me in my office."

Cullen swallowed and followed his Knight Commander down the corridor and into his spacious office. Greagoir's office was spotless. Papers and scrolls were lined neatly on his desk, books were arranged just-so on the bookshelves, and his array of weapons were freshly polished and on display in the corners. First Enchanter Irving was there, leaning against a table, sipping what he assumed was tea. Irving looked up and nodded slowly to Cullen, solemn faced and aged as usual.

Cullen resisted the urge to flinch when Greagoir shut the large heavy doors behind him before standing next to Irving. Greagoir looked at Cullen for a moment before speaking.

"As you may know, Solona Amell has been chosen to undergo the Harrowing three days from today." Cullen nodded. Greagoir continued, "You will attend her Harrowing and you will be the one to eliminate her if she does not pass."

Cullen felt his heart drop but he tried to hold his gaze. He could see his Knight Commander scrutinizing his expression, looking for some sign of emotion. Cullen realized with dread Greagoir suspected his fondness for Solona. The way that Irving was looking, with soft eyes, lead him to conclude concluded that the First Enchanter suspected also. Cullen tried to swallow the large lump in his throat.

"Yes, Knight Commander." He said and thanked the Maker his voice was steady. Greagoir gave a curt nod of approval and then walked over to his desk, picking up two pieces of parchment.

"There are also two other matters that I will need your attendance with. There are five apprentices who have been marked for the Rite of Tranquility. You will attend all five of these procedures." Greagoir held out the papers for Cullen to read.

Of the five names on the list, only one made the lump in his throat feel even larger. Jowan, Solona's closest friend, was marked for the Rite of Tranquility.

****************

Solona sat at a small table in the library with a book set in front of her, however, she was in no mood for reading. Instead, she was staring off into the distance, her mind preoccupied with recent events. The night before with Alden had been every bit wonderful and a little dangerous, just as Alden himself was. She fingered her lips while remembering his kisses. She wasn't in love, she knew that, but he did make her feel beautiful and admired which was something she had longed for from Jowan since her 14th season. Had she really been in love with Jowan for almost seven years? Solona groaned and put her head in her hands. It was no wonder she was so easily seduced by Alden. Her body was probably crying out for attention, although she never let herself realize it. Not surprisingly, Alden seemed to know this about her intuitively.

She wondered what it was he wanted. He had said that there were no strings attached, however, clearly there was some reason why he sought out her attention instead of some other apprentice. She was due to take the Harrowing in three days. The distraction was welcome on her part, but if she passed, no, once she passed, she would gain the title of Enchanter and graduate to being an adult mage. Their paths would cross, of course, but the tower was large and they would associate in different circles. It would be hard for them to maintain a relationship, if that's what he ultimately intended, not to mention the impropriety of an Enchanter fraternizing with an Apprentice. She wondered if she should end things with Alden before it became more than it should be.

"I need to talk to you."

Solona blinked and focused her eyes on the shadow looming in front of her. It was Jowan. As she expected, her heart twinged at the sight of him. His hands were on the chair opposite hers, gripping the top so tightly his knuckles were white.

His handsome face, normally jovial, was set grim and he was looking at her with consternation. Despite the alarming look he was giving her, the first thing she thought looking at him was: When in the name of Andraste is he going to shave that ridiculous stubble?

"Jowan! What's wrong?" She asked, gesturing for him to take a seat. He let out his breath and his shoulders sagged. He leaned over the chair and splayed his palms flat on the table, looking at her directly in the eyes.

"I know I've been a little... absent... lately, but why didn't you tell me you were associating with Alden Fen." He said "associating" like the word itself was sour. She glanced around at the populated library and decided it wasn't the best place to have such a conversation. She motioned him to follow her and she lead him out of the library and into a smaller empty study room.

She whirled around and poked him in the chest. "You're right. You have been absent lately, and honestly, you're hardly one to say anything about this subject, Jowan." She said. He cringed but pressed on.

"I know. I'm being a hypocrite right now, but Solona, it's Alden. You must know nothing good can come from this. He's not right for you."

"Not right for me? What would you know about who is right for me and who isn't?"

"I know that you deserve the attentions of someone who isn't out to hurt you!" He said.

"What do you know of Alden's intentions? You know nothing about it."

"He has a history, Solona. He's not serious. He'll use you to get what he wants."

Solona found herself becoming irritated very quickly. This was a subject she was dreading to discuss with him. "Jowan, I'm not stupid. I know that Alden is experienced and has a history of being..."

"Waton?" Jowan offered. "Lewd? Promiscuous? Shameless?"

"I was going to say capricious." She said, narrowing her eyes.

He snorted and crossed his arms. "Capricious? You're being very generous, I think. Look, I'm you're friend and I've got to look out for you. I don't think he's good enough for you, that's all. You deserve someone who isn't going to use you and then cast you aside the next week."

"That won't be a problem because I'll be out of the apprenticeship in three days anyway. Why can't I have this one little thing before my Harrowing? I might not actually live to see another week, have you thought of that?" He winced. She knew it was a cheap shot but she couldn't help it.

"Listen- " he began.

"No, you listen!" She stomped a foot for emphasis. "I don't want to die without ever having known what it's like to be with someone who thinks I'm beautiful. I'm not in love with Alden but he has been considerate, passionate, and completely honest with me. Neither of us have any expectations. Why shouldn't I take advantage of it?"

"Solona," He said carefully, "don't you want to be with someone you're in love with?"

"Of course but, _you _aren't available!" She regretted the second those words passed her lips. Jowan's eyes widened with surprise and his crossed arms went slack.

"Solona..." He said, staring at her with a mix of emotions on his face.

Solona lowered her head in embarrassment, her long hair falling over her hunched shoulders like black curtains. Oh Holy Maker, strike me now! She thought. _Did I really just say that? How can I look him in the face now? I don't want him to pity me! I'm such a fool...._ Tears formed in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

Jowan was next to her in an instant, gathering her in his arms. She wanted to pull away from him in spite, but the urge was weak and his arms were warm and firm. She gave in and wept the last seven years of heartache into his chest. He stroked her back and shushed her until she quieted.

"I had no idea." he murmured. "Maker, I had no idea."

She pulled away from him at last, wiping her eyes and nose with the sleeve of her robe. "I know you didn't, Jowan. I wanted it that way. I know you're with someone else. I don't know what possessed me to say it."

"Why didn't you say anything before?" He asked, running his hands through his hair. She was disturbed that the gesture reminded her of Alden just then. She furiously squashed the thought.

"You always treated me like a sister and I thought if I said something it would ruin our friendship. That would be - I just couldn't let that happen so I kept it to myself unless you showed some sign..... and then, when you told me you met someone, I just... gave up hope." She trailed, her thoughts disjointed. She wondered how much this confession was going to change their relationship. She didn't want to look at him. She knew he must be eyeing her with something akin to pity and she knew she wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Sweet Andraste, Solona...." He said softly, and she forced herself to look at him.

The look he gave her was filled with so much intensity that it made her breath catch. It wasn't a look of pity after all; It was one of love, regret, and grief. Confused, she tore her eyes from his his and swallowed thickly. What's with that look? She wondered. She felt like a rock was in her stomach.

Jowan tipped his head back and let out an anguished groan. After a moment, he let out a deep breath and looked at her again. The look on his face was indescribable.

"I'm sorry. I - I need a moment to think. We'll talk again later." He said and left the room with a swift gait.

Solona stared after him, feeling dazed and detatched. She hugged herself and sunk down into a nearby chair. Her world suddenly felt very strange. Her eyes wavered and she felt like she was on the verge of discovering something profound.

Then she had it. She realized what his look had meant.

Jowan had been in love with her, too.

Only it was too late. Solona closed her eyes in pain. Obviously, he decided to move on long ago. She searched her brain for any sign he might have given over the years, any clue that she might have missed. If he truly had been in love with her before, he had been adept at keeping his feelings disguised because she couldn't recognize anything in their long time together when he didn't treat her like a sister and friend.

Now, he was in love with someone else. She recalled how he looked when she met him in the chapel room days ago. She had never seen him so happy and content. Whatever window of opportunity she had had with Jowan was closed to her now.

She suddenly felt sick knowing that her fear of losing their friendship caused her to forfeit the very thing she had so desperately wanted.

**************

**A/N: Long fic is long! My apologies for a two week lag in updates to this story. I thank everyone who has commented and I want to let you all know that this is a Cullen/Amell fic so please be patient with me. I promise, I have a plan. =) Oh, this fic will be marked M going forward, just in case. ~ Ariannel**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

It was the afternoon and Cullen was in a tense and foul mood. After his meeting with the Knight Commander and First Enchanter, he found out his guard schedule had been revised. He lost his usual post in the library and study rooms and instead was assigned to patrol the apprentice rooms in the afternoon and then to guard the ground floor atrium for the evening. It was Knight Commander Greagoir's doing, he was sure of it. The apprentice rooms were mostly empty in the afternoon and nobody came to the atrium after dinner. It was going to be a boring evening to be sure. He was convinced Greagoir was trying to separate him from Solona.

He knew he should feel properly embarrassed that his preference for her had been found out, but all he could feel was annoyance. Even though it was unfitting for a Templar to show any kind of favoritism towards mages, Greagoir had to know that Cullen's attachment was nothing compared to what went on between some mages and Templars behind closed doors late at night. Why was he being singled out?

He paused to take off his helmet and run a gloved hand through his short wavy hair, savoring the cool air on his skin. It was late summer and though the tower kept cool, it could still be warm when in full armor. As he moved to place his helmet back on, he caught the sound of fervent whispers in the dormitories. The whispers were so feint that if he hadn't paused, the sound of his loud metal armor would have masked the sound. He slowly maneuvered himself closer towards the open doors, trying not to make a sound.

".... as soon as we could have!"

"I agree, but we can't do this without Alden, you know that. He says tonight, we move tonight."

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"It's too late now. We move forward and that's final."

As soon as Cullen heard the shuffle of feet moving he sprang back into position and donned his helmet, continuing his patrol down the corridor. After he was a few steps away from the dormitory doors, he stopped and assumed guard position to catch a glimpse of who he had overheard. Moments later two mages exited the rooms and walked opposite where Cullen stood. Both were elven and male but he didn't remember their names or recognize their faces.

Cullen debated on whether or not to inform his superiors. Clearly, they hadn't wanted to be overheard, but he didn't know enough to understand what was truly going on. It sounded like an escape plan, but they didn't say so specifically. If he went to Greagoir, he wouldn't be able to give any concrete information or inform him of their names.

His best course of action was to keep an eye on Alden Fen. Unfortunately, being stuck in the lower levels this evening put him in a bind.

It was time to ask Quincy for a favor.

*************

Solona had spent the rest of the morning and afternoon in the lab room, mulling over the day's events. Glancing up at the stained glass windows of the lab room, she frowned. The afternoon was waning and Jowan still hadn't come back to see her. She idly wondered if he was in the arms of the other apprentice. Surprisingly, the thought of Jowan in the arms of someone wasn't leaving a sharp pang in her chest like it used to. The pang was still there, but it was dull and less aching.

It was odd to her, but she felt a little relieved now that everything was out in the open. Perhaps now that she had confessed to him, she could finally move on.

"Solona Amell, right?"

She took in the apprentice standing before her. Her name was Jenla-something. Solona barely knew her. She was several years younger than her, not more than sixteen maybe.

"Yes?"

"Are you alright? You're just sitting here, looking up at... the window, is it?"

"Yes, I'm fine Jenla. Having an entire week to my own devices has left me much time to think as you noticed. I hardly know what to do with myself." It was the best excuse she could think of. Jenla looked at her and shrugged. She wasn't the type of girl to think too deeply about matters not concerning her own self.

"Here." She said and handed Solona a small piece of rolled paper sealed with twine. "I was told to deliver this to you."

Solona raised an eyebrow and took the roll. She looked at Jenla for any sort of remark or judgment but Jenla only offered a mock salute and skipped away. Shaking her head, she unrolled the paper.

_Solona, _

_I desire to speak with you again. _

_Meet me at the same time and place as last night. _

_Your ardent admirer,_

_Alden_

Solona couldn't stop the grin forming on her face. She wasn't sure if being with Alden was the wisest of ideas, as Jowan so bluntly told her, but at the moment, she didn't care. Jowan's unspoken rejection spurred a little rebellion within her. She pocketed the note in her robes, anticipating the night.

******************

Cullen owed Quincy hugely. He had approached his friend and bunkmate just after having finished an eight hour guard shift and asked him to cover for his night shift. Quincy was such a good-natured and simple man that he graciously accepted the swap, no questions asked. He reminded himself to put in a good word to the Knight Commander about Quincy the next time he was able.

After bathing, Cullen chose to wear the plainest robe he could find. All templar robes were branded with the symbol of the chantry, however, the less conspicuous he looked, the better. The robe he chose was a blue color with white trim, colors similar to the apprentice robes. The chantry symbol, a cross with a flame at the base, was embroidered on the neck piece. He always felt exposed and vulnerable wearing just his templar robes; however, it would make for easier movement. His next task was to find and monitor Alden Fen. He suspected that Alden would eventually appear wherever Solona was so he made his way to libraries.

It wasn't common to see templars utilizing the libraries on their free time; however, it wasn't unheard of either. The clever templars would make it a habit to visit every so often. How better to defend against a mage gone awry than to study magic itself? The chantry taught much about the fade, demons, and the frailty of the mind, but not much about magic itself. He supposed it was because such knowledge wasn't necessary for one to be a capable templar, however, Knight Commander Greagoir was of a differing opinion and Cullen agreed. What was that saying? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Something akin to that.

Just as Cullen entered the library, he was hit from the side which caused him to stumble. As he stumbled, he twisted and caught the arm of the person that ran into him. He had intended to steady himself, however, he had succeeded in up pulling the person on top of him. They both fell with a thud.

The wind was knocked out of him and his entire body smarted. Fortunately, he had somehow managed to avoid hitting his head on the stone floor.

"Are you alright?" His voice was hoarse.

"Yeah..." Came a female reply. Cullen stiffened and looked up at the face of the person who hit him.

It was Solona. Her face, inches away from his. Her dark hair curtained around his head and all he could see were her large dark eyes and generous pink lips. She was pressed close to him, warm, her hands on either side of his chest, and her legs in between his as much as their robes would allow. His heartbeat quickened and, to his horror, he could feel himself reacting to her closeness. He prayed to the Maker that she wouldn't notice.

Luckily for him, she reacted quickly. If she hadn't, he wasn't sure if he could handle the embarrassment once she realized what was going on. Solona came to her feet swiftly.

"Cullen! I'm so sorry, I ran into you again. I seem to be making a habit of it, aren't I? Are you alright?" She asked, concerned.

Cullen nodded and stood up, not trusting his voice just yet. She blessed him with a large smile.

"I hardly recognized you for a moment there. I don't think I've ever seen you visit the library before. At least, not to read. Are you here to do research? I could help you if you like. I know these libraries quite well. Well, but you already know that, don't you?" She said, with a chuckle. Cullen wasn't quite sure if she was talking quickly out of nervousness or if she was in a genuine good mood. Whatever the case, the flush in her cheeks and the brightness of her eyes was very becoming.

_Come on Cullen. Stop staring at her agape like a fish out of water. You wanted to find her, right? So you found her, then. And where she is, Alden will be also. Remember your mission. You need to quit acting like she is Andraste herself, and you the Maker. _He thought, and then rebuked himself for his blasphemy. He just couldn't seem to think anything appropriate when around her.

"Cullen?" She asked, her head cocked to one side, studying him.

"Yes, you're right." He said.

She grinned. "On which point, ser? That I could help you or that you knew it?" She said, in a teasing voice.

_Holy Maker, but her smile is disarming. Look away, Cullen. Now._

"On both." He said, staring at the floor. "I'm looking for... a... a book on, uh.... first aid." He finished weakly.

"First aid?" She asked, moving towards a section in the back of the library. He kept his eyes well away from her backside. There were plenty of other apprentices in the library, most casting curious glances in their direction. Solona seemed not to take note of it, however, and though Cullen was uncomfortable, if Solona didn't mind it, then he wouldn't mind it either.

"Well, you've certainly asked the right apprentice," she continued. "I'm currently studying herbalism, you know. I wish to become a healer. Of course, I study Spirit as well, but knowing herbalism can help speed up the healing process. Spirit can't do all the work. Ah! Here we go. Are you looking for basic first-aid or something more advanced?"

"Basic.... basic will be fine."

"We're lucky it's within reach. That ladder over there is becoming rather unstable. I almost injured myself on it last week." She pulled the book from its spot and handed it to him. "Remember to put it back in the right place. The Enchanters in charge of keeping the library orderly will have our hides if not. They always seem to know who's responsible."

"Thank you." He said simply. He took a seat at the nearest table, facing the entrance so he could see who came and went. Solona sat opposite to him and plunked down a large tome.

"I hope you don't mind. I promise I won't be too distracting." She said with a smile. He was thinking something along the lines of 'not likely'.

He opened the book gently to the first page and it dawned on him that he had cornered himself into reading until Alden arrived. He suppressed a sigh and let his practiced eyes roamed the library. He took in about a dozen apprentices, five of their mentors, and two watchful templars.

He turned his attention back to Solona and took the opportunity to drink in the sight of her. He had never had the opportunity to study her up close before. Every nerve in his body seemed to hum with her nearby presence. She smelled of clean soap and some flowery scent he couldn't pinpoint. The dark coloring of her hair and sculpted eyebrows contrasted the pale softness of her exposed skin. Her skin was flawless and shined with a healthy youthful glow. The way she chewed her bottom lip while reading made him lick his own lips in response. He ached just looking at her. She was so lovely to him; he couldn't fathom why she didn't garner as much attention as some of the other apprentice girls.

Of that, he was glad, though. He wasn't proud of his recently realized jealous nature, but it eased him to no end that it was only Alden Fen he had to contend with. He shook his head. Contend with? There was no contest to be had. He was an avowed templar. She, a circle mage. Why must he keep on reminding himself of that fact?

He resigned himself to reading the book she offered. He already knew basic first aid, but he needed something to distract himself from her presence.

********

Two hours had passed since Solona had sat down across from Cullen. He was sitting broad and straight-backed, not slouched as if he had spent most his life bent over a book. She had been concerned about being a distraction to him, however, hadn't realized the gentle templar would be so distracting to her. He was the only templar that treated her with any sort of warmth, that was for sure. Most templars ignored her presence; some she had caught leering at her, but those templars usually didn't guard the apprentice levels. Cullen was nothing like either of them.

Her mind wandered, remembering how he had felt beneath her just hours ago. Her body had been pressed against his only briefly, but she could feel that he was muscular. He was warm and clean and made her feel secure, even though they had just tumbled to the floor. He felt nothing like Jowan - nothing like Alden. She noticed again his good looks and thought his features were pleasing and comforting, unlike Alden Fen whose looks were so ridiculously beautiful he could probably pass for a woman.

_If only Cullen weren't a templar.... _she thought, and then mentally groaned. _Am I _really _so fickle? This is what twenty years of study and romantic self-oppression has done to me. It has made me so starved for attention; I'm wishing to seduce a templar! _

She felt disgusted with herself.

As if aware of her thoughts, he looked up and caught her staring at him. A flush rose to her cheeks and she quickly looked down at her book.

"So, Cullen, are you planning on another outing?" She asked in an attempt to distract.

"Pardon?"

"You're reading up on your first aid knowledge so I wondered if you would be leaving the tower soon."

"Oh... uh, no. Just brushing up on my training. I could be called out at any time so it's important to know."

"What do you do when you're out?" She hoped the question wasn't too prying. He hesitated a moment, looking at her thoughtfully.

"Well, we have monthly training exercises which can take up to two weeks in the field before we return, like the excursion in the forest I mentioned yesterday. Then, of course, other times we leave are for reasons... not so pleasant." She knew exactly what it was he didn't want to say. Hunting down apostate mages and keeping the circle tower safe were the two main reasons for the Templar's existence.

"Have you been to many places in Fereldan?"

"Not too many." He admitted. "I've been to various places in the Bannorn, as well as some areas in the Frostback Mountains. I've been to Denerim, of course, but I've never been south of the Imperial Highway."

"I wonder if I'll ever get to see the outside world." She sighed with longing.

Cullen was silent at that; she knew he knew full well that not many mages ever make it past the small island the circle tower was founded on.

"You're the strongest mage most Enchanters have seen in many generations. Although I, uh... wouldn't mind it if you stayed here, I -I don't see why they wouldn't permit you outside the tower." He colored and looked down, studying the first aid book intently.

Solona suddenly felt shy. "Thank you, Cullen. I hope you're right. The circle will always be my home, but I'm unnerved at the thought of never being able to see outside it. Perhaps there is a chance for me after all."

Solona perked up at the trumpeting sound that signaled that the dining room was open for dinner.

"Are you hungry?" She asked.

"Yes." He said. If she had been paying attention, she would have seen him flushed and grinning foolishly. Alas, she was already halfway out the library before he replied.

*********

After dinner, Cullen shadowed Solona out of the dining area. Alden Fen hadn't come into either the library or dinner, but he had a feeling he would approach her sooner or later. He followed her down the stairs to the second floor and all the way down the hallway, past the lab room and the usual spots for studying. He kept ducking into any room he could to conceal himself so he wouldn't notice she was being followed. He felt remorseful that he was invading her privacy this way, but he told himself there was a bigger concern at hand.

Eventually, she stopped, turning to face a wall and he slipped inside a darkened utility room to observe her. To his astonishment, she walked right through the wall and disappeared. He stood staring for a moment, not believing what he had just witness. Gradually he left his concealed spot and walked over to the place where she had gone. It looked and felt like a wall... but wait. When he pressed on a certain area, it felt more like smooth wood than it did cold stone. What was going on?

With his fingers spread in front of him, he sharpened his focus. Before he could cleanse the area of magic, the illusion faded in front of him. The image of a seamless stone wall faded to reveal a wooden door. He cocked his head and frowned.

_What_ is_ this, _he thought. _Why would there be...? Of course! This was the room which led down to the atrium. It's also a storage room if I remember correctly. For herbs, potions and.... Holy Maker... raw lyrium dust. _He shuddered with intensity. He had known that they kept the lyrium hidden somewhere in the tower, but to find the room where they stored it..... It was almost too much to bear.

If he had ever denied his addiction to lyrium before, he certainly didn't doubt it now. He had to get away from the area, and quickly.

As Cullen walked quickly down the hall, his thoughts turned to Solona. He was fully aware of her love of herbalism and her wish to be a healer. It was uncharacteristic of her, though, to enter the atrium after permissible hours. Especially through a secret door that nobody but a few Enchanters and templars knew about.

Unless, of course, if she was meeting someone there.

***************

**A/N: Whew, another chapter! This thing is growing larger than I originally intended. =) I promised more Solona/Cullen this time around and I hope I didn't disappoint. Thanks again for everyone who commented. Your comments help spur my resolve to write some more. Best of Wishes! ~ Ariannel**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The moment she stepped into the hidden room the scent of dried herbs overwhelmed her once again. It was a pleasing combination of scents, though rather potent. Although there was a small hearth in the room to keep the room warm and dry, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness.

"I'm glad you came," said a low voice behind her.

Solona stiffened and turned around, catching a glimpse of the shadowed figure against the door.

"Alden." She said as calmly as she could muster and willed her heart to stop leaping through her chest. She _hated_ being spooked.

His knowing grin was all charm and amusement. She suddenly felt awkward. She had been excited all afternoon for their secret rendezvous and now that she was here with him, face to face, she was unsure of herself. That niggling feeling in the back of her mind was flaring, once again telling her that there was something about Alden that should make her wary. Something that warned her not to trust him. Yet, as he looked at her with those deep green eyes and smiled at her with those curved lips, thoughts of suspicion were replaced with compulsion. She wanted nothing more than for him to kiss her again.

She wasn't left waiting for much longer. In two steps he was upon her, kissing her like he had before, with gentle urgency. She shivered as his hands settled on her hips and pulled her closer to him. His kisses had a way of giving warmth to her body and she could feel herself pressing against him, needing to get closer. She wasn't sure how long they had stood kissing in the dark room, but she soon realized that she had managed to back him up against the wall. She gasped, feeling his arousal against her hipbone. Alden seemed to like her enthusiasm, it seemed.

Alden groaned and quickly broke free of their kiss and pushed her hips away. Stunned at the sudden emptiness between them, Solona frowned in confusion. A strange wave of dizziness settled around her. Her head felt unusually thick and disoriented and she felt like she was floating away from her body.

Something was wrong. She knew magic was at work, but her brain was having trouble reconciling what it was.

"We need to go." He said his voice hoarse. "We'll have plenty of time for that later."

Solona tried to shake her head clear but the shaking only seemed to make it worse. The more she tried to concentrate, the thicker she felt. Dumbly, she noticed Alden unveil the door to the atrium and felt him pull her down the stairs. The only thought that came to her fogged mind when they entered the greenhouse was how dull it looked without wisps.

****************

Cullen waited patiently for Solona to arrive. He prayed to the Maker that she would enter the atrium alone, though he knew his prayer wouldn't be fulfilled. He cursed his large frame and struggled to remain crouched underneath a long table in the atrium. He had chosen a good spot. The table was wedged in a corner, set against a stone wall, which allowed him to both be concealed by shadow and thick potted plants that sat on the floor in front of him. His vantage point was good, as well; the center of the room was mostly visible to him and he had direct line of sight to what he believed was the second door leading up to the room full of herbs.

And lyrium dust. Lots of lyrium dust.

He shuddered and forced that thought into a dark corner of his mind.

He was doubly indebted to Quincy now. Quincy was surprised to see him and even more surprised when Cullen told him what he overheard earlier in the afternoon and that he expected some mages had plans to escape the tower through the atrium. He wasn't sure exactly how they were planning to do so, but he was certain now that something was going take place there. Quincy was unsure at first and wanted to tell someone, however, Cullen persuaded him otherwise. If Cullen was wrong, it would make both of them look foolish and it would get Solona into a lot of trouble. They eventually worked out an arrangement that they both were comfortable with.

His thoughts were interrupted when his suspicion about the hidden door was proved right. The image of a continuous stone wall faded away to reveal a wooden door. That door was flung open and two figures tumbled out. It was Solona and Alden.

Cullen tensed and willed himself to remain calm.

"Alden, what's g-"

Solona's question was cut off by a forceful kiss. Cullen twitched and his immediate inclination was to leap out and shove Alden away from her, however, years of discipline allowed him to reign in his temper. He kept silent but redirected his aggression to his clenched fists. His nails bit the soft flesh of his palm and afforded him some small release.

It didn't help that Solona seemed to melt right into Alden's arms.

Envy ripped through him like a sharp knife. He stared, unable to look away and unable to stop them. She writhed against him, running her hands through his hair and over his chest. The elf had his infernal hands traveling over her ribs, waist, and hips. Every sigh, every moan, every gasp she made at Alden's hands twisted the knife even deeper. Cullen was mesmerized. He wanted to be in Alden's place. He wanted to be the one who made her respond so passionately; who made her react in a way that he had never seen before.

"Are you quite finished buttering her up?"

Cullen's eyes snapped to the secret door, cursing silently. How could he be so careless? He had been so completely engrossed in his own private horror that he missed two others enter the room. They were the two elves he had overheard in the apprentice quarters earlier in the afternoon. They were dressed in common clothes, tunic and leggings, and carried packs on their back. So his hunch was right; they _were_ trying to escape. He needed to put his feelings aside and focus.

Alden growled at the intrusion and parted from Solona who protested just as vocally. Cullen's eyes narrowed.

Something wasn't quite right. Now no longer being held up by Alden, Solona was hunched and swaying. Her eyes were heavy-lidded and glazed; her head lolled back and forth as if she couldn't keep it up straight.

It was then that he noticed the sting of magic in the air. Careless of him, indeed.

"I don't understand why you need to take this bitch with us. She's human. She'll never be accepted." Said one of the elves.

"She's a healer. She'll be useful on the road and with the clan. Any other reason I have is none of your business, Kev." Alden said his voice calm and steady.

"How can you be so sure of her compliance?" Said the other.

"Look at her." Alden said. "I'm no great mage but it wasn't hard to put a spell of disorientation on her. She was already pliant to begin with."

_Bloody hell._

Cullen had heard enough. He sprung out of his hiding place and punched Alden square in the face.

"What in the -"

"Who let the templar in!"

Cullen gathered his will, letting out a powerful purge that swept the entire atrium, dispelling any magic in effect. Using their moment of shock to his advantage, Cullen grabbed Solona and tossed her near the front door, away from Alden. He didn't have the time to be gentle and she went down hard.

Cullen saw the three of them advancing towards him and cursed, realizing that without his sword he only had one technique he could use. He let out a wave of spirit fire, which lit up the greenhouse and slammed into them with a resounding hiss. Alden and the two mages were blown backwards and collapsed on the floor. Cullen fell down to his knees, breathing hard. Holy Smite was a technique just at the edge of his abilities and such a powerful release spent any reserves he had.

He could only hope this would give Quincy enough time to call for help.

* * *

Solona saw Cullen collapse and scrambled to him, ignoring her own hammering headache. Seeing his exhaustion, she released a spell of rejuvenation over him. He sighed and shivered, as energy seeped into him.

"Are you alright?" Cullen asked his voice hoarse.

"I should be asking you that." She said, and helped him to stand. A million questions flashed through her mind in the span of a second. Why was Cullen here? What was that thing he just did? Where did the other two come from? Why did Alden disorient her? What was he planning?

Why didn't she pay attention to that niggling feeling she had earlier?

Alden looked up at Cullen from his hands and knees on the floor, his eyes narrowed in hate. The murderous rage she saw across his delicate elven features frightened her. Was that the same person she was kissing senselessly in the room upstairs? She suddenly felt ill.

"You!" Alden seethed at Cullen and stood up. He stretched a hand out and the boom of a mind blast swept over the both of them. Though she could feel the energy of the blast, she was unaffected; the attack was meant for Cullen.

"Alden! What are you doing?" She cried. Cullen wheezed and gasped. He was clutching his stomach and she knew from experience that he was feeling acute pain in his abdomen. She placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort, knowing the pain would pass quickly.

Alden ignored her question and continued. "Damn you, templar. I should have known if anyone would try to stop us, it would be you. Your obsession with her is nigh on infamous. How did you figure us out, hm? Did you follow us? Did you intercept our notes?"

_His obsession?_ Solona looked at Cullen. His face was flush, but with pain or embarrassment, she didn't know. He wouldn't meet her gaze and stared straight ahead, silent and grim. Whatever his feelings, he didn't deserve this treatment.

Solona squared her shoulders and stepped forward, her chin held high. "You need to tell me what in Thedas is _going on,_ Alden Fen. Why did you cast a spell on me? Why are you attacking a templar?" She leveled Alden with the most determined scrutiny. She needed answers.

"I regret not telling you sooner but there was little time. I had to subdue you if you were to accompany us." He said.

"Accompany you _where_?"

"We're leaving this cursed place and meeting up with my kin, the Dalish elves. I was taken from them, you know. Ripped from them at the age of ten during a Chasind raid at night. They say the Chasind are peaceful, but I know better. They're damn cowards! I was taken to the nearest city and deposited at the door of the worst kind of humans. They beat and abused me and I felt no shame setting their house on fire." Though she felt pity for him, his story wasn't unlike others she had heard growing up in the tower. Those who remembered a life outside the tower always had a difficult time. Sometimes, she was thankful she was taken so young.

Solona stared at him. The man who stood before her was not the same man who approached her in the kitchen only two days before, all wry smiles and laughing green eyes. Alden's face now was taut with bleak determination and anger. If she didn't know Alden before, she assuredly didn't know him now.

"Leave the circle tower? Are you mad? You can't be serious." She said after a moment.

"I assure you, my dear, I am quite sane."

Solona spared a glance at the two elves behind him. Their faces were vaguely familiar, but she didn't know their names. She was not a good judge of age when it came to elves, but they looked at least five years younger than her two and twenty seasons which made them _very_ young. Were they Dalish, too? She needed to remain calm and keep him talking. Surely there was help on the way.

"How are you planning to escape the tower, Alden?" She asked, her voice the pitch of placid.

Alden gestured to the elf he called Kev. Kev walked over to a blank section of the wall just opposite of the secret door. With a wave of his hands, another hidden door was revealed leading to the outside. It was large and ornate with stained glass embedded at the top. Solona gasped in surprise.

_It leads directly to the outside!_ She thought_._ _No wonder the atrium guarded day and night._ _I always wondered why_ _nobody was allowed in or out without an escort. _ A sideways look at Cullen told her that he was just as surprised as she was.

"Come with us, come with _me_. You won't have to worry about harrowings or tranquility. The Dalish don't have the same concerns on magic as humans do. They would protect us. We could be together, Solona, you and I. We could have a life together. A _free_ life."

The ornate door was opened and the air from the outside swooshed into the atrium, rustling the leaves of the plants inside. There it was.... the world outside. Just one step... one step and she'd be outside the tower walls. Long grass swayed in the night breeze and she could hear the chirp of crickets off in the distance. Solona stared at the little patch of earth just beyond the walls, transfixed.

Alden took a step towards her. "We have a plan. There is a group of Libertarians in hiding in Ferelden. If we can get there, they'll escort us to the Dalish. The templars wouldn't dare attack us when we're with them. You're a powerful mage, Solona, and there is strength in numbers. You'd be an invaluable asset to us. We'd make it there for sure with you on our side!"

Cullen scoffed beside her. "You would never make it that far. You will be caught long before you meet up with these _Libertarians. _And when that happens, we are trained to resist your spells."

Alden snarled and threw out his hand. A flame blast erupted from his fingertips. Solona saw only a dark blur in front of her before fire raged around them. The heat seared her exposed skin and fire licked at her robe. The attack lasted only seconds but it felt like hours. After the fire dissipated, she realized that Cullen shielded her from the brunt of the attack.

Cullen clenched his teeth in pain, his arms tense and tight around her as if he was afraid to move. His back was scorched. Solona acted quickly. She placed her hands on his chest and cast a healing spell. The light wave of creation washed over him and she saw his burnt flesh fade into pink clear skin. She felt him ease around her, sagging with relief.

_Are you hurt?_ Cullen didn't have to ask out loud, his handsome face was lined with only concern for her well-being. Solona shook her head, his unspoken gesture pulling at her heartstrings. She wasn't hurt; his sacrifice had made sure of that.

"Either take her by force or abandon her, Fen. It's up to you, we're leaving." The unnamed one called. He and Kev both ran out the doors and into the night.

"Last chance, Solona. Don't be a tool of the Chantry. _Help us_." His voice was desperate and pleading, but she already knew she couldn't go. She would leave the tower one day, but not like this. Never like this.

"No." She said, her back rigid.

A sweep of emotions flitted over Alden's face. Anger. Hate. Regret. With a fierce cry, he lifted up his arms and slammed another mind blast, this time at both of them. Solona was ready for him though, and resisted the blow. Cullen was not so lucky and was struck again. She saw blood streaking out the corner of his mouth.

Solona was full-on angry. Alden Fen had seduced her, manipulated her, took advantage of her, and betrayed her. He played right into her feelings, using her unrequited love for her best friend as a means to get closer to her. All for what? So he could kidnap her and make her a fugitive with the only home she had ever known? So he could pretend to love her and manipulate her into using her skills to help them run away? She was no idiot. The Dalish would never accept her. So what was his plan once they arrived? Abandon her?

It was time for her to act. Creation spells weren't her only study.

She placed both hands before her and released a lightning bolt. The energy flowed out from her fingers and towards Alden. Alden screamed in pain, which only heightened her need for retaliation. She flung out an arcane bolt which hit him center in the chest. He sprawled on the cool stone floor, his chest heaving in pain.

Alden was right. He was a poor mage.

The front doors to the atrium blew open and a stream of templars flooded the room. Finally, help had arrived.

****************

**A/N: This one was difficult for me to write. Fighting scenes are incredibly tough for me for some reason. I wrote, deleted, re-wrote, deleted, and wrote again trying to not only capture physical events but emotional as well. *sigh* Well, for those of you who liked Alden, I hope you're not too disappointed with how things ended this chapter. *grin* Best Wishes to all! ~ Ariannel **


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Cullen hated awkward silences. They usually happened directly after an attempt on his part to be funny which, in turn, was followed by an excruciating stretch of embarrassment. In this case, however, it was because he had just been ushered in a room with the object of his desire and was left _alone_ with the instruction to "sit down and stay put" until Greagoir and Irving were finished. Two templars were charged to guard Irving's office, however, they were on the _other_ side of the large closed doors.

"Cullen...." She said finally, licking her chapped lips. Cullen finally allowed himself to look directly at her. She was sitting erect, as she always did, lending her grace and poise despite the inner turmoil he assumed she must have been feeling. Her long dark hair was in a disarray and he could see a large chunk of her hair at the bottom that was kinked from being exposed to fire. Her eyes were sagged from exhaustion and her face was unusually pale but.... by the Maker, she was still _beautiful_.

"I - I want to thank you. For being there, I mean. I don't know how you knew where we were or - or what was going to happen, but I start to think about what would have happened if you _hadn't_ been there and I just feel _sick_.... _Sweet Andraste_, Cullen, I was so close to becoming an apostate! If you hadn't saved me... If you hadn't _been there_..... I'm not sure I would have been able to resist."

Cullen's chest clenched at the heartache that was apparent in her voice.

"I don't know what spell he weaved, but it was much more than just a simple disorientation spell. I was almost like... have you ever been drunk?"

Cullen nodded.

"It was similar to that. The rooms were spinning and I couldn't focus on anything, but at the same time, I didn't care and all I wanted to do was ki - Oh Maker, you saw that, didn't you? You must have." She groaned and covered her face with her hands.

Yes, he had seen.

Instantly, the image of their embrace in the atrium flashed in his mind. Solona's hand twisted in Alden's hair, Alden's hand caressing the swell of her hip, her gasps of pleasure as he kissed her neck, his groans of need.... Cullen swallowed. It had been both nauseating and rousing.

He was alarmed at how strong his emotions were witnessing that scene. Envy, pain, desire, resentment, fear.... _desire_.... he was coming to realize that his feelings for Solona were well beyond infatuation.

Awkward silence had fallen over them again and he knew she was waiting for him to speak.

"Y-you were amazing." He said. She lowered her hands and raised an eyebrow. "No, uh, not that - I mean, y-your magic." Maker, why did he feel like such a tool whenever she was around? Comprehension dawned on her face and a flush crept into her cheeks.

"Thank you." She said. "So were you. I must confess, I've never seen a templar in action before. I'm glad I wasn't on the receiving end of your attack. It looked painful."

He had impressed her! Cullen's ego inflated a bit and a grin spread on his face. "Yes it was. I remember how it feels from practice. It's powerful, but exhausting. It - It took a lot out of me."

"Good. I mean, good that it was painful for them. Alden deserved it." She said. Her brow furrowed and he could see the sting of betrayal play across her face.

Slowly, she looked at him sideways and lifted her hand , placing it on his back. He stiffened as her cool fingers went through the charred holes Alden's fire spell left on his tattered robe. His skin was still sensitive there, even after she had healed him. He knew her intention was purely clinical, checking for open wounds and scarring, he couldn't contain the tremble that wracked his body at her touch.

"You shielded me from the fire." She said, her voice in wonder, her fingers still caressing his skin. Her eyes met his and she looked at him with such profound gratitude that he suddenly found it hard to swallow.

"You're the bravest and kindest person I've ever met, Cullen. I don't know how you ended up being there - you don't have to tell me - I'm just thankful that you were."

Her eyes were shining with unshed tears and he wanted nothing more at that moment than to stand and pull her into his arms, to caress her cheek and kiss her. _Oh_, to kiss her.... But he didn't, he _couldn't_, and he mourned silently when she withdrew her hand. It felt so good to be touched with care and tenderness; long-suppressed feelings of loneliness and want swelled to the forefront. He clenched his teeth trying to fight them but they wouldn't be subdued. Not this time. He hated himself for being so desperate; so _needy_. Words were beginning to form at the back of his throat and he struggled to restrain them but..... he was just tired of suppressing everything. He reached around his shoulder and captured her wrist. He looked directly into her eyes and spoke.

"I- I would do it again, Solona. I would protect you forever... if I could."

Her astonished expression would be burned into his memory forever. He then swallowed, letting go of her wrist, and looked away; all his nerve had been spent. Whatever she would have said afterwards would remain unsaid because the doors to Irving's study opened at exactly that moment.

*************

Solona jumped at the boom the sound of Irving's doors being thrust open violently.

"We have Alden Fen in custody. The other two apprentices have been slain." Greagoir's voice cut quick and deep, his large frame strode swiftly into the room. Senior Enchanter Irving followed, walking slowly and purposely. Greagoir placed his hands on Irving's desk and leaned forward. Solona recoiled. Greagoir always intimidated her and now he was the most intimidating she'd ever seen him.

"Cullen, I am going to get directly to the point. I have already spoken to Quinn this evening so I know your involvement in the matter, however, I'm going to summarize what I know for you. You abandoned your post by coercing your one of your brothers to take your place. You did this, I presume, so you could instead _spy_ on what you knew was going to be an unauthorized entry into a forbidden room. You suspected that there would be a possible escape attempt and you told only Quinn. You asked Quinn not, I repeat, _not_ to alert others until he sensed magic in use. Do I have that correct so far?"

"Yes, ser." Cullen replied, staring straight ahead and appearing calm.

"I _will_ get your reasoning for this." Greagoir said, his voice deep and commanding. He had refused to sit down as Irving asked him to and thus he towered over them like a bear.

"Ser, I was unsure if what I heard in the apprentice quarters was really a plan for escape. I suspected so, but without proof I thought the information would... fall on deaf ears, in a manner." Solona marveled at how different Cullen was when addressing his superiors. With her, he was shy and stuttering, but with Greagoir, his voice was strong and confident.

Greagoir slammed his hand on the desk causing Cullen to wince and Solona to jump.

"Nonsense!" He roared. "You have not once hesitated in the past. State the real reason you did not alert your betters."

_I would protect you forever... if I could. _Cullen's words echoed in her mind, causing her heart to flutter all over again. _Cullen had been trying to protect me,_ she thought,_ that's why he didn't tell anyone. I never knew.... I never suspected he cared._ From the corner of her eye, she could see him swallow, hesitating to state his response. Greagoir stared at him, then at her, then back at Cullen. He straightened to his fill height and glowered.

"I see." Greagoir said. Senior Enchanter Irving, who had been silently sipping his tea thus far, raised a questioning eyebrow at Cullen. He then looked at Solona a moment before taking another sip.

"This is _unacceptable,_" he continued, "Two mages died today because of your hesitation. We know more than you imagine, Cullen, never forget that. We already knew of plans for an escape attempt, what we lacked was when and where. Had you followed procedure, we would have been ready for them."

"Greagoir, don't you see fit to inform the poor boy that those two mages were already appointed for Tranquility? It is true, their deaths could have been prevented, however, given their nature, they would have chosen death over Tranquility in any case." Irving's slow and steady voice always had a calming effect on Solona.

"Irving, this is a templar affair. What I choose to tell my subordinates is my business as Knight Commander." Greagoir replied crisply. Irving raised his eyebrows as he took another sip of tea. If Solona hadn't been so on edge, she might have been amused. Greagoir sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I think it's my turn now, Greagoir. Sit down if you please." Irving said, gently placing his tea cup down.

"Miss Amell, would you please explain your association with Alden Fen and what you were doing in the atrium after permissible hours?" Irving's request was gentle but firm.

Solona heaved a sigh and launched into her tale. She told them everything, about her first encounter with Alden in the kitchens, his various attempts at seduction, her first meeting with him in the atrium, the note she received the following day, and finally their encounter that evening. All the while she snuck peaks at Cullen, trying to gauge his reaction to her story. Cullen, for his part was stone-faced, the only sign of agitation were his fists clenching and unclenching the cloth of his robe.

Irving was quite for a long time before speaking.

"And you knew nothing of an attempt at escape?" He asked.

"No, First Enchanter." She said.

"Solona, I'm going to speak frankly here. Romantic trysts between apprentices are not strictly forbidden, however, not expressly encouraged either. They are a distraction from your studies and your focus on passing your rite. You will have plenty of time for developing romantic partnerships after you have completed your Harrowing. I am disappointed that you chose to devote your free time to chasing carnal pleasures rather than in contemplation, meditation, and prayer. I know that is how some apprentices spend their time, however, I thought you were above that."

Solona's face reddened with shame. He was right, of course, but hearing it spoken aloud for Greagoir and Cullen to hear was rather humiliating.

"Well, I have shamed you enough, my dear. I think you understand my meaning. As you were an unwilling participant in an escape attempt as well as instrumental in the capture of one of them, I have nothing further to add. Now Greagoir and I must discuss what to do with young Alden Fen. You are dismissed." Irving said.

"Cullen," Greagoir added, "I will speak with you further in my office, however, you are to go to your quarters and rest. I will call for you later."

Solona and Cullen both stood and left the office. For a moment, they stood alone in the halls, feeling awkward and not knowing what to say. Solona swallowed and squared her shoulders, facing Cullen.

"I can't say this enough, it seems, but thank you, Cullen. I will be forever grateful to you for your rescue this evening. You saved me from.... well, from something assuredly dreadful were allowed it to continue. I don't know how I will ever repay you, but, I will find a way."

Solona waited breathlessly for his response, seeing his throat bob and his face line with emotion. Eventually he looked her in the eye and what she saw there made her breath catch. He looked at her with such intense adoration and need that she had to force herself to look away. Then, as if on instinct, she stood on her toes and pulled him into a fierce hug, her arms around his strong neck and shoulders. After brief hesitation, she felt his arms around her waist as he pulled her closer. Her heart was racing - his embrace was entirely different and infinitely more satisfying than Alden's. He was firm, secure, safe... loving. She longed to linger but she knew any longer and they'd be caught. She pulled back and kissed him gently on the cheek. She heard his breath hitch and then she stepped back, giving his hand a final squeeze before walking away.

*************

_**Author's Note: Well, yeah. So, any excuse I give for this late of an update will just sound trite so I'm not going to do it. I wholeheartely thank all my reviewers and everyone who subscribed to and follow this fic. I know how I'm going to end this and I'm excited to get there - it's only a matter of time. I just want to say that I fully intend to finish this through and I hope to never have that long of a hiatus again. Best wishes to all! ~ Ariannel**_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Cullen awoke slowly from a dreamless sleep. The room in the sleeping quarters were empty save for a snoring Quincy on the bunk above. After several moments of fighting his way to mental clarity, the events of the previous night replayed in his mind.

Solona was safe.

He drew in a deep breath reliving the brief moment where Solona embraced him. A rare feeling of peace settled around him and for the first time in a long time, he was contented. That feeling was fleeting, however, because it quickly turned into fierce longing for more. She had kissed him on the cheek and he remembering trying hard not to sputter in shock. If he had been a bolder man, he would not have settled for just his cheek. In his fantasies, he replayed the moment in a thousand different ways. In scenarios where he or she acted like they never would have in real life.

Of course, fantasies have an annoying habit of crashing down to reality. The image of Knight Commander Greagoir loomed before him, his last words ringing in his head. _I will call for you later._ As if on queue, one of his quartermates blew open the door and strode in. His armor clanked loudly as if he was trying to be noisy on purpose. Cullen rubbed his eyes and sat up with a groan.

"Up, you louts! Do you plan to sleep the day away? I don't know how you managed to sleep through the morning ritual but you're special priveleges have expired. Oi! Quinn!! Up, you lazy bastard!"

"Shut up Rowlund or I'll.... I'll do something you won't like!" Quincy mumbled. Cullen supressed a grin. His friend was never good with laying out the insults.

"Ooh, I'm quivering in my armor. Cullen, the Knight Commander wishes to see you as soon as your highness is available."

Cullen shot him as stern a glare as he could muster but the loud knight just cackled with amusement. Rowlund set two blue bottles of lyrium on the nearest table and sauntered out of the room. Cullen reached for one and eagerly downed the contents, feeling instantly refreshed. At the sound of the clinking bottle, Quincy was down from the top bunk in two seconds and downed his as well. Cullen opened the chest he shared with his bunkmate and donned the topmost robe that was clean and carefully folded, grateful that he had taken a moment to bathe before falling asleep.

"Quinn, I've been meaning to thank you for sticking your neck out for me last night." Cullen said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Aw, it's no problem. It all worked out in the end." He said. Cullen nodded, not knowing what more to say.

"I envy you, though." Quincy continued. "To care about someone so much as to go to such lengths. I wish I had that."

Cullen blinked in surprise. He never considered his situation enviable. He suddenly felt shy, knowing that Quinn was aware of his feelings for Solona. "Aren't you worried about breaking your vows?" He asked, tentatively.

Quincy scoffed. "Nah! I was never really the religious sort. I believe in the Maker, of course, but there isn't anything in the Chant of Light that says anyone must be chaste. I would be more scared of being caught rather than feeling some sort of religious guilt. Not that I have to worry about such things, anyway. Not with a face like mine."

Although he grinned, Cullen could trace a bit of sadness in his face. Quincy's looks were unique; his nose was slightly crooked and his mouth was large and wide, but his grey eyes were clear and kind and his disposition jovial. Not that he was an expert, but Cullen couldn't see why a woman wouldn't care for a man like him were they living normal lives. He kept his observations to himself, though. Although they were alone, complimenting another man's looks would make someone the target of ridicule for weeks.

Cullen reached up to clap his friend on the shoulder, making sure he understood his gratitude before leaving the room to see the Knight Commander.

The door to Greagoir's office was open and Cullen noted, with dread, that he was in. Greagoir's stern gaze caught Cullen immedietly and he motioned for him to sit down. Cullen sat and it was silent for several moments before he began.

"Cullen, I will get straight to the point." He paused a moment, then continued. "You are one of my most trusted templars. You are talented, obedient, and true. You have never failed me before in the seven years you have come to serve the tower. This is why last nights events have disturbed me deeply. There can be only one reason why you acted so uncharacteristically."

Cullen's stomach flipped, knowing what was to come.

"You are not the first templar to love a mage. Nor will you be the last. Many of your bretheren have succomed to the charm of a pretty or handsome mage, vows notwithstanding. We templars are here for a single reason: To keep mages in check. Becoming too close to a mage can interfere with our primary objectives. The vows you made when becoming a templar have very little to do with religion. They exist for a single reason: to act as a barrier between templars and mages. Do you know why I selected you to be Solona Amell's executioner for her Harrowing?"

"Yes, ser. You wish to test my resolve in the even that she does not pass the rite." Cullen's voice was firm though underneath he felt like pudding.

"What will you do if Solona becomes an abomination? You are required to cut her down without hesitation, Cullen. To hesitate could risk the lives of everyone in that chamber. I must know you are capable of this, Cullen. I must know I can trust you to do what is right regardless of your personal feelings."

"I understand, ser."

Greagoir made a frustrated sound. "You say that you understand but I don't think you do! I can plainly see that you are counting on Amell to pass the test. You don't expect to be put up to this challenge. Perhaps you are right and she does pass the test. What then? What happens if she decides to escape the tower? What happens if she becomes a maleficar? Will you be willing to capture her? To turn her in? To turn her _tranquil_? It would be far easier to terminate her life when she is an abomination and no longer looks like herself, but what if it isn't that simple?"

Cullen paled. Maker knew he didn't allow himself to think such thoughts. The idea of Solona as an apostate wrenched his gut. The idea of her as a maleficar turned his stomach. The idea of seeing her Tranquil stilled his heart.

"You cannot allow your personal feelings interfere with your duties as a templar." Greagoir continued, "I cannot abide such weakness within my ranks. I must know that I can trust you to do what is required at all times, no matter who the mage is or what the situation entails. The lives of thousands of innocents cannot be risked for the love of one mage. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ser." Cullen said. He suddenly felt very ill as the reality of his feelings towards Solona Amell came crashing down around him. The fear, frustration, and guilt must have been plain on his face for it was then that Greagoir sighed and momentarily softened his gaze.

"I cannot control the hearts of you or any of the knights underneath my command. During my tenure here at this tower, I have learned the hard lesson that there are some things that are simply out of my control. Your vows are your personal business between you and the Maker. I refuse to monitor you or any of my knights day and night.

"Rest assured that I will, however, monitor your loyalties to Ferelden and our ranks, not to mention your behavior as a Knight Templar of Ferelden. There are strict punishments for when those loyalties become in question. Should you not be able to perform adequately, I will be forced to remove you. Should you be caught openly forsaking your vows, I will be forced to remove you. I should not have to tell you exactly what that means. Do I make myself clear?"

Cullen fought to keep from lowering his jaw in astonishment. What was Greagoir saying, exactly? Although he hadn't said it outright, it seemed that the Knight Commander was saying he would turn a blind eye to a relationship with Solona provided his personal feelings would not interfere with being a Templar, else he would be punished.

Punished. Removed. _Aeonar_, he thought and shivered.

"Do I make myself _clear_?" Greagoir repeated, his voice hard as granite.

"Yes, Knight Commander." Cullen said, snapping to attention.

"Very well. I suggest you spend the rest of the morning in spiritual contemplation. Your guard shift resumes in the afternoon."

"Yes, Knight Commander." Cullen stood, saluting with a fist over his heart.

Solona spread a small frayed blanket down on the cold stone floor in the chapel. It had been too long since she was able to meditate. She had one day before her Harrowing and plenty of things to occupy her mind. Kneeling down to sit on her feet, she positioned herself comfortably in front of one of the several alters in the grand room. A quick prayer to Andraste and then she allowed her mind to become open, hoping the Maker would inspire advice to her troubled thoughts.

The first thought that sprang forth in her mind was of Alden Fen. What encompassed her emotions were not feelings of anger and resentment, but mostly self loathing. How could she have been so easily manipulated and controlled? No matter what Alden's faults, she hadn't noticed duplicity on his part. His reputation not withstanding, he seemed genuine in his romantic interest in her. Well, how was she to know the difference, anyway? It wasn't as if she had much experience in the matter. Alden's betrayal hurt, but it wounded her pride more than her heart. That aside, now what was left was a healthy dose of fear at how close she had come to being an apostate. To losing everything she had worked so hard for since she arrived at the tower. The thought was sobering.

What would become of Alden? First Enchanter Irving hadn't said anything to her yet. She suspected Aeonar, but.. perhaps they would make him Tranquil after all. Certainly his passion for rebellion would be severed after that rite was performed. She shuddered at the idea.

Her thoughts naturally turned to Cullen, her savior. Her heart skipped and her face drew heat. She marveled at her body's immediete reaction to the mere thought of the handsome templar. Cullen was steady, pure, and true. Everything that Alden was not and more. She drew in breath, thinking about how it felt to have his large firm arms around her slight frame, protecting her from the flames. Even for as brief a moment as it was, the feeling felt more right than the most passionate of Alden's kisses.

She knew that Cullen cared for her. That much was plain to see after the nights events. Cullen, however, was a templar. Her brow furrowed in frustration. He didn't seem the type of knight who would break his vows easily and she didn't know if she wanted him to do so. She didn't know Cullen very well, but she had a feeling that he took his position very seriously, unlike some of the other templars, and to break his vows would be a very serious matter. It also wouldn't be easy to have a relationship with him. Mages could be open with their affections for each other, but with templars, secrecy was paramount.

She shook her head violently. What was she thinking? Just yesterday she was in Alden's arms and now today she was dreaming of being with Cullen? Was she really that fickle and starved for attention? The embaressment of it all made her cheeks burn.

"There you are. Finally, I have a chance to talk with you."

Solona started and cast a glance behind her. It was Jowan. The last she had spoke to him, she had confessed her feelings towards him and had found that he used to feel the same way. Maker of Creation, that conversation felt like a thousand years ago, though it was only a day and a half ago. Now, when she looked at him, she didn't blush. Her heart didn't flutter. Her insides didn't hum and rejoice at his presence. He was dear to her as ever, but not in the same way.

Sweet loving Andraste, what was she to say to him _now_?

"If you have a moment... uh, please, can we talk?" He ran his hand through his hair which was getting quite long in the back. Solona nodded and stood up, her knees red from the hardness of the stone floor, despite the blanket. He led her to a nearby pew and she sat next to him, hoping he would begin the conversation. Thankfully he did.

"I know a lot has happened between the last time we spoke and I intend to get the whole story... but first I wanted to apologize for running away from you. It was cowardly and undignified."

Solona opened her mouth to respond but he silenced her by holding up his hand. "You shocked me. I wasn't prepared to hear your confession and I didn't know what to say. But now I do. Solona, you are my best friend in all of Thedas and I want nothing more than for it to stay that way. I - I'm sorry but I just don't feel the same way about you anymore."

The words were expected but to hear them outloud was a blow. Being rejected romantically never felt good, regardless of the circumstances. Solona gave herself a moment before responding.

"Jowan, you may not believe this but a lot has happened since our argument a couple of days ago and I'm not sure I'm the same person I was when we spoke last. My perspective on many things has changed and, you're right, I think we are better as friends than anything else."

Jowan's sigh of relief was palpable. She continued. "I'm sorry I sprung that on you unexpectedly. Truly, I never meant to actually tell you. I know you've got someone special who I hope you'll allow me to meet someday soon."

Jowan grinned and scratched the back of his head. "Ah, yes. I will, I promise. So, ah, you feel like letting me in on what happened last night? Rumor has it that there was an escape attempt and you were somehow involved."

Solona, eager to catch up with her friend, launched into explaining everything that happened since she saw him last. His reactions were predictable. He was angry at her recklessness, proud that she was so able to defend herself, shocked to learn that a templar came to her aid instead of arresting her with the others.

"Most of all," she concluded, " you were right about Alden. Maybe not in the way you meant, but he was not who I thought he was. I feel so stupid. At least he wasn't a maleficar. Maker knows what would have happened if he had been."

Jowan stilled and remained silent for a moment. Puzzled, Solona put a hand on his shoulder and cocked her head questioningly. Jowan gave her a strained smile and put an arm around her shoulders. "Sorry, the thought of you in thrall of a blood mage made me feel ill." He said, quickly.

"In this one case, I'm not happy that I was right at all. No wonder you feel like a different person. Anyone would feel differently after going through somthing like that. Though, Solona? It _was_ stupid of you to trust someone like him. Very very stupid."

Trust Jowan to lay it down like it was, pure and undiluted . Solona smiled and took in a deep breath. It was good to have her friend back.

**Author's Note: Sorry, no direct Cullen/Solona action this time around. Jowan was due to enter the scene and he and Solona had some unresolved issues. Greagoir and Cullen needed a nice little chat, too. I struggled a bit to write Greagoir. In my first draft, he was all Counselor Troi-like with sympathy and concern and it took me a day to look back at my work and go WTF is this? That isn't Greagoir at all! I had to scrap most of it and hold his personality as a hard-nosed bastard in my mind. I'm not sure I captured him well, but it's probably because I think, deep down, he loves his men. And, I think he has a little secret of his own. *wink wink* But that's another story for another day. Well, enough yammerin' for me. I got another chapter to write. Take care, all! ~ Ariannel**


End file.
